Hidden Feelings
by Emba
Summary: Alternate Universe-Buffy Summers and Angel O'Connor are best friends. But, Buffy is keeping something from him that she can never tell.
1. Default Chapter

Author: Emba Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was. Never will be-well, maybe. Authors Note: This is in Buffy's POV the whole chapter. I'm thinking about alternating a bit throughout chapters. What do ya think? *  
  
"Got any two's?"  
  
Ah, another exciting day in Sunnydale. "Go fish."  
  
Sunnydale, California: hot spot for everything that is boring. You'd think this place would get better as you grow up, but I find myself wishing I were twelve again. And twelve was not a good year for me.  
  
"Do you have any...queens?" I ask.  
  
"Go fish," comes a bored voice. That voice belongs to Angel O'Connor. His full name is actually Liam O'Connor but everybody calls him Angel because of the time in second grade he played an angel in the school play. I vividly remember that day. He had this little hallow and such a cute white robe on... Well, I'm digressing. I tend to do that a lot.  
  
Angel has been my best friend since I can remember. But, he has also been my crush ever since I can remember. Of course, Angel has no idea. When I say no idea, I mean no idea. He talks to me about the girls that he dates or wants to date. Yes, he's that clueless.  
  
But, I deal with it. I mean, what else can I do? Tell him? Oh that's a laugh.  
  
"This is boring." He states, leaning back in to his chair. Right now we're playing 'Go fish' under the scorching Sunnydale sun on his parent's deck in his back yard. And school's starting tomorrow. This is beyond suck.  
  
I sigh and sit up to count my doubled cards. "No, really? 'Cause I'm having barrels of fun."  
  
"Do you have any three's?" He asks because knows there's nothing else to do in Sunnydale but this.  
  
One good thing about today is he's wearing his bathing suit. He has many, most of them black or dark, but this one is my favorite because it's this dark shade of blue and it brings out every feature of him. His dark eyes, spiky brown hair, his soft lips and--  
  
"Summers? You there?" His voice snaps me back to reality. See? I told you I digress. "Um...yup, still here. And no three's." I reply, nervously.  
  
This is a typical scene: Angel and I, playing cards, sitting in our bathing suits and usually not even going in to his pool. We don't choose not to go in to the pool, but Angel's family is pretty big and his little brothers and sisters are always in there. Well, compared to my family, which consists of my mom and me, his family is gigantic.  
  
Mrs. O'Connor comes out on the deck, placing plates and cups on the table. His mother is like this...super mom. She's this amazing cook, which is good because I practically eat there every night. Her eyes are like Angel's, a deep mahogany, and she has the darkest brown hair I have ever seen but Angel's hair is lighter.  
  
"Buffy, I'm setting you a plate on the table, are you staying over?" She asks in her kind, soft voice.  
  
I nod at her, "Mom's working late at the gallery. And Chinese food is nothing compared to your food." You do not know how far one compliment can go with this woman. Once I told her she looked nice and she gave me ten bucks.  
  
"Oh, Buffy, you're so sweet. Here, have some lemonade." She says, smiling ear to ear, and handing me a glass. I smile in satisfaction; it is nice to know some things can still be counted on.  
  
We continue our game for a little while. Angel made fun of my lack of wins and I flaunted my lemonade, saying he could not get some because he was too lazy. He tried to get his mother to get some for him, but good ol' Mrs. O refused. She said being a sloth was not allowed in her house.  
  
"Kids, dinner time!" Her voice rings, reaching out to the pool where the rest of the family splashes around.  
  
Five kids run to the table right across from us. The second oldest, Brennan who is fourteen, lights up when he sees me. "Hey Buffy! Are you going to sit next to me at the table again?"  
  
"Sure." I reply simply, giving him a smile. "Great! And I...uh, like your bathing suit." He says quickly before he hops on to a seat.  
  
I turn back to our game and notice Angel starring at me with his intense gaze, and I try not to blush. And fail horribly. "What?" I ask, my voice rasp. He looks me up and down before answering. "Nothing." Sometimes I'd like to know what's going on in his head. "Bren has a crush on you." He adds. "I noticed. He seems to be the very few who do. Am I repulsive in some way?"  
  
"No. You're fine." Thanks, Angel. That was so very convincing. Aren't best friends supposed to comfort each other?  
  
"Are you two coming to dinner?" Mr. O'Connor asks. And with that, we leave our game and join the rest of the people for a delicious home cooked meal.  
  
TBC.  
  
FEEDBACK! I live for it! I'm a little self-conscious when it comes to writing so, it'd be great if you could review! Also, tell me if I should alternate POV's or just keep Buffys. 


	2. School

Author: Emba  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. And if it were, you would know it.  
  
Authors Note: This is in Buffy's POV again, I'm still thinking about writing in Angel's. Maybe in the next chapter.  
  
*  
  
It's finally my senior year of high school at Sunnydale High. It's not the best high school by far, especially to me. Do you know how many times I've been called Bunny? My name is Buffy, Buffy Summers. Its not a common name but who has a common name these days?  
  
I'm walking up to school, searching for a familiar face.  
  
"Hey, Buffy! Over here!" I turn around to see my second best friends Willow Rosenburg and Xander Harris sitting on a stone bench.  
  
Willow beams at me as I sit beside her. "Hi! Aren't you excited? It's senior year! SENIOR year! We're seniors, I mean actual seniors...we're no longer lowly freshmen or sophomores...or juniors! I can't wait to find out what our first assignment is!" Willow is a great example of your classic bookworm. She loves school and anything research related. If I'm in dire need of a study buddy, Willow's always there.  
  
"Have you ever heard the word 'senior' used that many times..." Xander pauses, "Ever?" Xander is almost the exact opposite of Willow, he's not interested in school as much and he likes to crack inappropriate but still funny jokes. It's why we all love him. "No I don't think I have." I say, smiling at them. "What'd you guys do all summer? How was New York, Will?"  
  
"Oh, it was great! There were lots of museums! And some people there, like the few cab drivers I met, were not as cheery as I thought they'd be." She replies gravely, shaking her head at the memory. "How was your summer? And when did you get your hair cut and why was I not informed?"  
  
I unconsciously lift one hand to feel my short, shoulder length blonde hair. "I got my hair cut...a few weeks ago. And my summer was boring, as every Sunnydale summer is."  
  
"Hah! What'd you do all summer? Play cards with Angel?" Xander laughs. I scowl at him, my eyes narrowing. "Maybe. Maybe not. Just because Angel isn't your favorite person doesn't mean you can make fun. And, why again, don't you like him?"  
  
Xander shrugs and shakes his head. "Because."  
  
Willow rolls of green eyes at him. "You just don't like him because--" She stops when she sees Angel is approaching us.  
  
"Hey, guys. What're you talking about?" He asks, curious at our silence in his presence.  
  
"Hi, Angel!" Willow squeaks, nervously.  
  
When Willow gets guilty, nervous, or drinks too much coffee, she gets jumpy. She almost acts like that weird bar owner down in bad part of town...Willy, I think his name was. Once, I dared Angel to prank call him and--  
  
Digression again. I need to stop it with that.  
  
When I return back to reality, both Xander and Angel are sharing menacing glares and Willow looks worried. And me? Well, I'm wearing my usual expression of confusion. I really should stop going off in to my own world and missing a, most likely, important conversation.  
  
The bell rings and the sound of feet shuffling to the front doors interrupts our silence. Willow brightens visibly; smiling so hard you'd think her jaw would break. "Ah! The first bell of senior year!" She links our arms and drags me toward the door.  
  
"Buffy, you gotta tell me everything about this summer. Like, if anything with Angel happened!" I swear I think the screamed that last part. Sheesh!  
  
"Shhhh!!!!" I hush her, and bring my index finger over my mouth for a dramatic gesture. "Maybe we could be a little more secretive about that, Will." I say in a low voice.  
  
It's finally my senior year of high school at Sunnydale High. It's not the best high school by far, especially to me. Do you know how many times I've been called Bunny? My name is Buffy, Buffy Summers. Its not a common name but who has a common name these days?  
  
I'm walking up to school, searching for a familiar face.  
  
"Hey, Buffy! Over here!" I turn around to see my second best friends Willow Rosenburg and Xander Harris sitting on a stone bench.  
  
Willow beams at me as I sit beside her. "Hi! Aren't you excited? It's senior year! SENIOR year! We're seniors, I mean actual seniors...we're no longer lowly freshmen or sophomores...or juniors! I can't wait to find out what our first assignment is!" Willow is a great example of your classic bookworm. She loves school and anything research related. If I'm in dire need of a study buddy, Willow's always there.  
  
"Have you ever heard the word 'senior' used that many times..." Xander pauses, "Ever?" Xander is almost the exact opposite of Willow, he's not interested in school as much and he likes to crack inappropriate but still funny jokes. It's why we all love him. "No I don't think I have." I say, smiling at them. "What'd you guys do all summer? How was New York, Will?"  
  
"Oh, it was great! There were lots of museums! And some people there, like the few cab drivers I met, were not as cheery as I thought they'd be." She replies gravely, shaking her head at the memory. "How was your summer? And when did you get your hair cut and why was I not informed?"  
  
I unconsciously lift one hand to feel my short, shoulder length blonde hair. "I got my hair cut...a few weeks ago. And my summer was boring, as every Sunnydale summer is."  
  
"Hah! What'd you do all summer? Play cards with Angel?" Xander laughs. I scowl at him, my eyes narrowing. "Maybe. Maybe not. Just because Angel isn't your favorite person doesn't mean you can make fun. And, why again, don't you like him?"  
  
Xander shrugs and shakes his head. "Because."  
  
Willow rolls of green eyes at him. "You just don't like him because--" She stops when she sees Angel is approaching us.  
  
"Hey, guys. What're you talking about?" He asks, curious at our silence in his presence.  
  
"Hi, Angel!" Willow squeaks, nervously.  
  
When Willow gets guilty, nervous, or drinks too much coffee, she gets jumpy. She almost acts like that weird bar owner down in bad part of town...Willy, I think his name was. Once, I dared Angel to prank call him and--  
  
Digression again. I need to stop it with that.  
  
When I return back to reality, both Xander and Angel are sharing menacing glares and Willow looks worried. And me? Well, I'm wearing my usual expression of confusion. I really should stop going off in to my own world and missing a, most likely, important conversation.  
  
The bell rings and the sound of feet shuffling to the front doors interrupts our silence. Willow brightens visibly; smiling so hard you'd think her jaw would break. "Ah! The first bell of senior year!" She links our arms and drags me toward the door.  
  
"Buffy, you gotta tell me everything about this summer. Like, if anything with Angel happened!" I swear I think the screamed that last part. Sheesh!  
  
"Shhhh!!!!" I hush her, and bring my index finger over my mouth for a dramatic gesture. "Maybe we could be a little more secretive about that, Will." I say in a low voice.  
  
She nods, "Oh, right. Sorry." I sigh and shake my head. "And notta on the Angel front. What do you think would happen?" Willow is the only person I have ever told about my long time crush on Angel. She understand, having once had a crush on Xander.  
  
"I'm not sure. But, I thought he'd get the hint or something. Because, you know, you two were alone all summer." She replies, frowning.  
  
We walk toward our lockers, stopping to open them up. "Believe me, I've dropped anvils. I've dropped freakin' pianos! But, obviously, that only works in cartoons."  
  
"Ooh! Like that road runner one, when the coyote orders that anvil from Acme and...." She stops, seeing the look I'm shooting her. "Right, back to the subject: Angel is bad with hints."  
  
I frown and nod, soaking in that fact. Then force a smile to cover up my obvious sadness. No way am I going to bring Willow down on the first day of school. "But, moving on, how was your summer? New York good?"  
  
She smiles her usual bright, girlish smile. Sometimes, Willow really amazes me with her enthusiasm and zest for life. She's always been cheery, ever since I met her. We've known each other since fifth grade, when we both bumped in to each other, causing us to bang heads. We were both sporting bruises for a week. After that, I had had my first girl best friend. Angel was always my best friend, but I could never share with him girl stuff. For instance, like me liking a guy. Or hmm...let me think...me being in love with...*him*!  
  
Willow went on about how New York was fantastic. She described each museum she went to in full detail. Believe me when I say 'full'. She told me the colors of walls, the names of her tour guides, and each sculpture that stuck in her mind. I love Willow, really, but I almost fell asleep. Museums just aren't my thing...I guess.  
  
"Anyway, the exhibit of--"  
  
"Oh, Will, I gotta go. To class. So, I will see you..uh, later!" I blurt out and dash to class. That was a close one, maybe she'll forget about the how thing at lunch... or maybe Ozzy Osbourne will paint the town red. Notice my sarcasm.  
  
*  
  
"Have you seen Angel yet, Harmony?" Is what I hear whispered in the back of the room. I turn to find Cordelia Chase leaning across a desk, talking to Harmony Kendall.  
  
Harmony shakes her nothing-but-air head. "No! Why?"  
  
Cordelia smirks at her, "Because, I was right! A tan does look *wonderful* on him." They both giggle and I feel like getting an axe and....well, maybe I shouldn't finish that thought.  
  
Cordelia has had her eye on Angel ever since our first year of high school. She hasn't asked him out yet, probably because she doesn't like how he hangs out with 'losers'. Anyone who doesn't wear practically the same thing as Cordelia or the rest of her brain washed bunch, are classified as a 'loser' or a 'freak'. I bet you Cordy is wishing and hoping he'll ditch Willow, Xander, and I. She's probably counting the days.  
  
"But, anyway, I'm planning on asking him to join us at the Bronze tonight. Ya know, a get together. Maybe then he'll find out he likes us better than the rejects he calls friends." Cordelia continues, grinning like the Chesire Cat.  
  
I sigh, and stare at the board in front of me. What do I have to be worried about? Angel's my best friend, he would never ditch me. Not even for the most popular girl in school. Not even to hang out with the captain of the football team... Not even-- Oh, what's the use?! I am *so* worried about this! Maybe Angel will restore my faith in him and reject Cordelia, and instead tell me his undying love for me....  
  
When did I get so sarcastic and delusional?  
  
Eh, well. Maybe I better start paying attention to class. Emphasis on maybe.  
  
*  
  
Sunnydale High's cafeteria meals are almost gourmet...except it's totally not. They're not even close. Not that many high school cafeteria's are wonderful when it comes to food, but here in Sunnydale, if you think you're looking at mashed potatoes you may really be looking at the 'surprise' of the week. Don't even ask me what the 'surprise' is or what it has in it because, no one has ever figured it out. There's a new surprise every week. Xander and I test it out, and try to narrow down the options of what it could be made of.  
  
"What's the surprise this week?" I ask, moving along the lunch line next to Xander.  
  
"Don't know. Something with a vegetable back round. Or...that could be food coloring." Xander answers, eyeing the food warily.  
  
We both sit down at a table with our trays. My tray only has jello (I think it's jello) and an apple. Xander's tray is quite different. He has everything on it. A hamburger, a soda, some carrots, burnt fries, and more. It's a wonder that he doesn't gain large proportions of weight every week.  
  
"Buffster, aren't ya gonna eat?" He asks, already munching on the 'surprise' of the week that looks like shriveled up onions. I look down at my food, and take a bite of the apple, and try to give Xander an encouraged smile. He smiles back, with something else in his eyes that I can't quite recognize.  
  
Maybe it's... "Hey you guys! How were your classes? Were they good? Mine were good! Ms. Calendar asked me to fill in for her next week because she's going on vacation with..some guy. I think it was the librarian. Ya know, the one with the British accent? The guy that we always see in the teachers lounge but we didn't even know he worked here, 'cause we NEVER see him, but I did and--"  
  
"Will! Calm yourself. You know you can take a breath every now and then." I say, interrupting Willow's ramble. I give her a smile to take off the edge in my voice. It doesn't seem to work because she frowns at me. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing! I'm cheerier than..." Think! What's REALLY cheery? "...a chipmunk!" Oh, yes. Good thinking, Summers. That was in no way humiliating and stupid.  
  
Willow eyed me cautiously as she pondered something for a moment. "You lack a guy."  
  
"Gee, that wouldn't be painfully obvious, would it?" I say, my voice full of sarcasm and gloom. This is so depressing. Maybe I should get a dog...  
  
Xander just finished polishing off his third jello (one of them mine), and finally throws in a comment. "Yeah! A guy that's always there for you. Who makes you laugh and sits in front of you in biology." He says quickly, "Or something like that."  
  
Xander said that a little too quickly...good thing I don't know what he was talking about. Right now, Willow is jabbering about how I can look around at the senior men, and choose one, because she thinks each one would love to go out with me. "I can't just ask someone out! I'd like to stay out of public humility, thank you." I say incredulously.  
  
"Yeah! She can't ask *anyone* out. At all. Ever."  
  
Willow goes on, choosing to ignore Xander. "Come on, Buffy. Look over there! It's Scott Hope. He's been moonin' over you for years. Ask him out!"  
  
I sigh heavily. "I'm perfectly fine just the way I am. Single and hanging out with my friends. That's just fine with me." I shoot back at Willow.  
  
"See, Will? She's just fine with being single! Just like me. I'm so single it's weird. I mean, you could just write 'SINGLE' on my head for uh... information for others who are single. Like you and me, Buff!"  
  
Willow shakes her head at me, as she frowns. "Come on, you have to move on. He's stupid. He's very...very stupid. He's a big stupid guy! You have to get over him." I knew exactly whom she was talking about.  
  
Apparently, Xander does not. "Willow, have you been drinking coffee again? What are you guys talking about?"  
  
"Angel." Willow replied, simply. My eyes widened instantly, and I gaped at her. What happened to 'secrets'? They're there to be secretive. That's why they're secrets, dammit! Oh, I can't wait to hear what Xander has to say about this. He's either going to laugh or scowl the rest of the day. Angel has that effect on him...Strange.  
  
Willow glances at my apologetically and we both look at Xander, who replies. "Yeah, there's Angel walking over here now... But, I don't see what that has to do with any of this. Jeez! Do we have to announce his arrival all of the time?"  
  
I finally breathe a sigh of relief. That was the closest my secret ever came to coming out. Good thing Xander's mind only concentrates on food and naked women. "Hi!" I greet Angel, patting the seat next to me. He smiles gently in return and says in his 'I've-been-brooding-forever' voice, "Hey."  
  
"Something wrong, Angel-pie? Are all those girls making googly eyes at you finally annoying you? Because, gee, how horrible it is to be the object of everyone's affection." Xander says, his voice taunting Angel.  
  
I've never figured out why Xander hates Angel so much. Is it because he's so *incredibly* hot? Or because when you look in his brown eyes, it just makes you crave chocolate? Possibly it's because... Never mind. The list could go on 'til the cows leave home...or was it come home? Whatever, the point is, the list could go on forever. And yet, I still don't understand. Maybe I'm just incredibly dense.  
  
"How would you know about being the object of *anyone's* affection, Xander?" Angel asks, smirking slightly. Ha! That was a pretty good comeback.  
  
Xander glares at him and frowns because he can't think of a comment on that one.  
  
Willow to the rescue... "Anyway! How was your day so far, Angel?" She asks.  
  
He sits next to me and shrugs. "As good as school ever is."  
  
Suddenly, I hear the clunk of huge high heels approach us. Oh crap. I know the sound of those heels. It's Cordelia. "Angel!" She says as she comes closer, almost looming over our table. "I have a question to ask you."  
  
Angel's eyes narrow in suspicion, but curiosity obviously has won him over when he asks, "What would that be?"  
  
This is the moment I have been dreading ever since.well, forever.  
  
"How about you go to the Bronze with me and my friends tonight?"  
  
TBC.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! Thank you to Meg (I'm glad you enjoyed my first chapter, hopefully this one is even better), Anne, Julie, Andrea, Amanda, Emy Bear, and Angel Davis! You have no idea how much your encouragement means to me! 


	3. Best Friends

Author: Emba  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine!  
  
Authors Note: Sorry about the last chapter and its weird misspellings and how it was...just kinda of messed up. This is my first ff.net story so I'm still trying to figure everything out. On another note, I think I'm going to stay with Buffy's POV for the most part, but I might change to Angel's once in a while, if the mood strikes me. Oh yes, and there are a few *gasp* bad words. Well, a few and I guess they're bad. Oh well, don't say you weren't warned! Enjoy this chapter!  
  
*  
  
Silence. Complete silence. Well, at least at our table.  
  
This is the scene: Cordelia asking Angel out, Angel stuttering like an idiot, Xander laughing, Willow frowning, and me chewing on my lip and musing about how this is the way I'm going to die.  
  
And it's true.  
  
"Uh...tonight?" He asks, trying to stall. Or at least I think he's trying to stall. Maybe he's overcome with joy and he can't even speak!!! Or maybe the idea of Cordelia and himself going out makes him...stutter. Those were too many or's!  
  
Cordelia nods, her demeanor lessening in pride after hearing Angel question her. "Yeah. Tonight. Bronze. You. Me. Some other people. You can't hang out with these losers all the time."  
  
"Losers?" Xander repeats.  
  
Cordelia nods again, and sighs. Hah! She's obviously frustrated. "Yes, you, Alexander 'My Parents Are Drunks' Harris, Willow 'I Have No Life' Rosenburg, and Buffy 'I Only *Have* One Parent' Summers."  
  
Oh no she didn't!  
  
Xander's parents are not drunks! Mrs. Harris actually bakes really good...pre-made cookies... And Willow always has something to do, whether it is school, or an extra curricular activity, or ANYTHING. She DOES have a life!  
  
And I don't want to comment on what she said about me. I do have one parent. Big deal. My dad was a jackass.  
  
Angel looks uncomfortable; he looks at each of our faces, mainly at mine, to see any inch of pain. He then looks back to Cordelia, and opens his mouth to say something...  
  
"Well, I guess I'll see you at the Bronze, Angel! Be there at 8:00 sharp!" She says, cheerily, walking away to her entourage.  
  
I glance back at my empty tray, where my jello was once. Well, I obviously can't eat. Why am I still here? I grab my bag from my chair, right before Angel places a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
  
I smile weakly. Hopefully not too weak. "Peachy." I walk away before he gets to say anything else.  
  
My life is crap.  
  
*  
  
"Buffy, wait up!" I turn around to find Angel chasing after me. School's over and I managed to get through the day without a break down. I'm that talented.  
  
I stop and patiently wait for Angel to catch up, all the while asking myself why I thought Angel wouldn't see me walk home because we live RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. I knew I was dense!  
  
He finally catches up to me, and asks this question again, "Are you okay?"  
  
"Me? I'm fine!" I flash him my fakest, and brightest smile. He frowns instantly. I knew he wouldn't buy it. "No, you're not."  
  
I sigh and shrug. He continues, saying, "I know what Cordelia said upset you. I know you don't like to think about your father... at all."  
  
"I wish I couldn't think about him. But, the wounds are still fresh, you know? He doesn't even return mom's calls. The last time I heard from him was...three years ago when he told me he couldn't take me to our annual ice show." I sigh again, and this time, I don't hold back a small sniffle.  
  
He puts one of his large arms around me and guides me over to the little swing chair in front of his house. See? He has to stop it with this stuff! It only makes me swoony!  
  
He holds me as I cry and I could care less if he's going to the Bronze and Cordelia's going to be pawing at him all night or if I ever hear from my dad again because...well, this is all I need right here. My best friend.  
  
*  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" My mother yells, entering our house. I debate the notion of going over to her, or staying in my room.  
  
Well...that debate didn't take long. I'm going to stay in my nice, comfy, air-conditioned room.  
  
"Buffy? Are you going to come down here? I have a present for you!" My mother calls again, this time I suspect she's in the kitchen.  
  
Oooh present! I have to go down there now. This present is either bribery or...no, it's probably just bribery for something.  
  
I run down the stairs and enter the kitchen, and I notice I'm already smiling. Presents make happy!  
  
"Present? Where?" I say, looking around the kitchen for it. My mom chuckles and leans down to pick something up from the ground. "Well, it's not a permanent present, unless you want it to be."  
  
What could *not* be permanent? Shoes? Oh I love shoes! Or maybe a whole outfit! With shoes!  
  
She picks up whatever she had on the floor and...  
  
"It's a puppy. Since, your birthday is coming up very soon, and you don't have any brothers or sisters, I thought you'd enjoy this." She looks at my face and then continues on, "It was a woman at the gallery's, but her kids hate animals so she wanted to know if anyone wanted it." Since my expression is STILL surprised she says, "It's only temporary if you want it to be." She sighs, as no reaction is coming from me.  
  
"I know you probably wanted shoes, but I think a change was in order. It's a golden retriever boy, named Sunny. I thought you would like it." She comes over to me and hands me the puppy.  
  
"What do you think, Buffy?"  
  
I smile at her. "Well, I can't say I was expecting this...I was actually thinking about shoes...but, puppies are cute." I beam at her, trying to my best to convince her.  
  
"Good. It's settled. I think I'll like having a dog around, won't you?"  
  
And she gets it in one. I knew I could count on my mom to be fooled.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Dogs are great."  
  
Actually, I don't know how I feel about this puppy thing. It's a cute puppy, believe me. Dogs are cute and stuff...But, I can't take care of things. I broke my giga-pet when I sat on it. My goldfish always died because I'd either give them too much to each or I would forget to feed them at all! So how am I supposed to take care of a *puppy*?  
  
This is typical Joyce Summers. She buys me something that (usually) I can't handle. Like those goldfish! Goldfish are hard to take care of, you know? Well, at least when you're me.  
  
"Honey, I'm going out to dinner with a friend, there's some left overs in the refrigerator, okay? I'll be back soon! Love you!" And with that, the door slams shut.  
  
So, here I am, holding a puppy, in my kitchen, and staring the refrigerator. What left overs is she talking about? When was the last time we *ate* dinner together? Like, July 1999? Those left overs are probably ancient! They probably have dust and mold on them!  
  
Looks like I'll be having a pizza night tonight.  
  
Yippee.  
  
*  
  
"That'll be $19.99." The delivery guy says as he hands me the pizza. I swear, Bob's Pizza O' Rama is getting pricey lately. And I'm not rich! I don't even have a job. It's sad, really...  
  
I hand him the money and he nods, and walks off to his great big (dorky) pizza delivery car. And suddenly, I'm glad I don't have a job. Well, at least one that makes you drive around in that 'make fun of me' machine.  
  
I set the pizza down and the back door swings open. I jump and turn to see who's there. "Hey! I thought I smelled something good."  
  
"Angel! What the hell are you doing?" I ask, as my mystery guest opens up MY dinner and takes a piece. "And *how* exactly can you smell the pizza if you live all the way next door?"  
  
He shrugs casually and eats away. "It's a sixth sense." Angel looks around the empty kitchen. "Your mom not home again?"  
  
"She's going out with a friend... or a client or something." I say, taking out the dog food my mom bought and pouring it a bowl. I look up and Angel's looking at my curiously. "Dog food? Interesting choice for dinner even though pizza's right here."  
  
I narrow my eyes at him. "Pizza that *you* are eating." He polishes off his second piece, which leaves the rest for me. "So, what's with the dog food?"  
  
"Mom bought me a dog for my birthday." I can almost hear him choke on his last bite of pizza. "What? She...wants a change or something."  
  
He's laughing so hard his face is red. "You can't take care of a dog! Remember when you killed Goldy?" He always brings up Goldy! I told you, it's hard to care of gold fish!  
  
"Yeah, well...this time, I'll remember to feed the thing." I place the bowl down and the puppy runs to it, munching away at the food.  
  
Angel chuckles a bit, and sighs. "Are you coming to the Bronze tonight?" He says, suddenly serious.  
  
I sigh too. This isn't a subject I was *dying* to discuss. "I don't know. Maybe." I reply, trying to give my best performance with the 'I don't really care' act. Maybe it's working...  
  
"You're mad at me, aren't you?" Oh crap.  
  
"No, why would I be mad at you?" I ask, keeping my eyes away from him. "Because, I didn't say no to Cordelia, the bitch of the year."  
  
I turn to him, this time locking our eyes. "Yes, and *why* exactly is that?"  
  
"I don't know. I didn't say 'yes' or 'no'. She invited me and then told me to come at 8:00. I didn't have time to protest."  
  
Oh, sure. "Lovin' that excuse, Angel." Angel sighs, "I knew you were mad."  
  
"It's not that I'm mad...It's just...Do you remember that time Willow, Xander, you and me started the 'I Hate Cordelia' club? You were President! It's just a little weird to think you and her are going out on a date."  
  
"It's not a date. I don't even think I'm going to go." He states, peering in to the pizza box again.  
  
Oh thank GOD! He might not go! That'll show Cordelia she can't get everyone she wants. "Oh. How come?" I say as casually as possible.  
  
"Because I don't like her. In any way." Inwardly, I'm smiling so hard my face could get stuck that way. And that would be bad because....ow.  
  
I nod and pick up Sonny, the puppy, and pet him. "What're you gonna do then?"  
  
He shrugs, and then suddenly smiles a full-blown smile. I love it when he does that! It's so cute because he hardly ever does it and--  
  
"How about a movie fest? Remember? We used to have them all the time when we were kids." He says, interrupting my thoughts.  
  
I smile wistfully. "Of course I remember. Like the time we watched 'It' and after you were totally afraid of clowns."  
  
"I am not afraid of clowns. They're just... creepy. And you were scared too! You almost cried." He answers defensively. "Hey! At least I *almost* cried, compared to you who *did*!" I reply, laughter lacy through my statement.  
  
"I did not cry! It was the onion dip for our chips. It made my eyes water."  
  
"Sure, whatever."  
  
"It's true!"  
  
"Okay, you keep telling yourself that."  
  
TBC...  
  
This wasn't a much-needed chapter, but I wanted to have one with mushy best friend stuff, even if Buffy's got a crush on Angel. And a huge thank you to Tariq, Jennifer, Maleah Daila, Cape, Shahid, Angel Davies, BwoulwBme, and spoiledsquish. Please keep reviewing! It makes life that much better! And, to those who wanted me to add some other BtVs characters, I am. Either next chapter or maybe the next two ones. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! 


	4. The Set Up

Author: Emba  
  
Disclaimer: How many ways can I say this....'Not mine', 'Isn't mine', 'Will never be mine', 'Joss is evil'...  
  
Authors Note: The italics is a flashback, and if somehow my stupid computer doesn't work and nothing is in italics, then the words between these thingeys ' ' is a flash back. Enjoy the chapter! I tried my best!  
  
Author Note#2: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. It's been tough because my muse is fried...maybe it's because of the heat....Anyways, PLEASE review or I will no longer have the will to write...or, type in this case...  
  
*  
  
Weeks go by, every one slower than the last. My birthday is soon approaching! Which means presents! Lots and lots! And since it's my eighteenth, I'm expecting big ones. And hopefully no more pets.  
  
After our movie fest, Angel and I fell asleep on my bed. It was one of the most awkward things that ever happened and I remember it vividly...  
  
'I wake up to the sound of labored breathing next to me. Which instantly brings up the question of: What the hell is that?  
  
I sit up and find Angel in a deep sleep next to me and all the memories of last night rain down on me. We both fell asleep watching 'Titanic'... and who wouldn't? It's pretty damn long, if you ask me. Still a good movie, but long.  
  
Yawning, I stretch and look around my room, catching a glimpse at my clock and-- OH CRAP!!! School is starting in about 10 minutes!! Good job, Buff. Way to forget you had your second day of school!  
  
I nudge Angel and he mumbles something like, "I dwana go toschool, Mom." I finally begin to shake him and his eyes flutter open. He remains quiet for a moment, studying me as if I were some ghost. "What are you doing in my room?" He asks finally and I sigh. I jump out of my bed and look through my closet, trying to find something to wear.  
  
I look back, expecting Angel to be gone.  
  
I expected wrong.  
  
"Angel! Go home and get dressed! I'll pick you up in like...3 minutes." He slowly gets up and moves lazily over to the door. Oh, I remember this Angel very well. This is Morning Angel. This is when Angel can only say 4 words and those words are probably, 'Buff, what's for breakfast?' How do I know this? Well, Angel has slept over here many times, and he only *truly* wakes up after he's eaten breakfast.'  
  
After that I threw on an outfit, smoothed my messed up hair, and left a note for my mom (who was no where to be found) saying I took the car. And she didn't mind...Who am I kidding?! She was stark raving mad for about a week afterwards. But, I gave her that cute little pout o' mine and it all just washed away.  
  
Practically.  
  
Almost.  
  
Not really... But, I do give a good pout!  
  
*  
  
"Buffy, you're birthday's coming soon! What kind of present do you want?" Willow asked me excitedly, as we sat on a table outside school. Free period always meant lounging around campus somewhere.  
  
I shrug, trying desperately to hold in all the things that could just burst out of my mouth any minute. Willow has a good taste in clothes, and she knows what I like so, I trust her. But that doesn't mean I don't want to explain every detail of every outfit on my mind that I'm dying to get on my birthday!  
  
Xander smirks and snickers a bit. "Anything with a high price tag, Will." He says, teasing me.  
  
I glare at him, "Ha ha. Very funny Xander. Does that mean I won't be getting anything from you for my birthday?" Oooh I'm good!  
  
Now he gets defensive. "Hey! I'm not *that* broke! I have a little money here...and there."  
  
Willow giggles, bobbing her red head as she laughs. "Oh really? Then how come *I* had to pay for your food at Happy Burger yesterday? And on that note, how come you eat so much?"  
  
Xander does eat alot. It seems to me all men eat a lot. Hence Angel eating half of my pizza weeks ago.  
  
"Yeah, why is that? I mean, you and Angel are perpetually hungry. I don't get it." I comment, gazing at a silent Angel thoroughly. He looks up at my and shrugs. "We just do." Did I ever mention Angel can be *very* vague?  
  
"Thank you for clearing that up for me." I mutter sarcastically.  
  
He smirks at me. "Anytime."  
  
Ah, how wonderful it is to see Angel smirk. It's like this sexy smile that always seems to satisfy me.... I meant that in a good satisfaction and not in a gross way. Really. No gross things happening in my mind...  
  
"So kiddies, we Bronzin' it tonight or what?" Xander question cut sharply in to my thoughts... Thank GOD because sooner or later my blush would've been too hard to hide.  
  
Willow glanced away, pondering about tonight. "I can come. I already studied for that chem. test and I'm raring to go!" She chirped happily. Angel nodded, although his answer was not as enthusiastic as Willows was, "I guess I can go."  
  
Xander glanced at me and I smiled, "Sure, I'm in."  
  
"Okay, great. Say...8:30.. Oh crap!! I can't come tonight. My parents want our family to greet the new neighbors because the last ones hated us and now they want at least *one* neighbor to like us." Xander grumbles.  
  
Willow looks at Xander intently from her spot on the table. "Wait... isn't that family that's moving in next door to you rich? I mean, rich rich. Like... 'I-can-buy-anything-I-want-because-I'm-so-rich'...rich."  
  
Xander instantly perks up, "Oooh, me likey the money... But, I bet they're all snooty and won't give me a penny of it."  
  
Angel chuckles harshly, and glances up from the spot on the grass he's been staring at. Sheesh! Why can't he just stare at ME instead? I think I'm a little more interesting that grass. Or at least I hope. "You were expecting that they'd just *give* you money? For no reason?"  
  
Xander shrugs and smiles. "No. I just thought it'd be cool to have rich next door neighbors."  
  
We all snicker at that, before the bell rings and we run back in to the building.  
  
*  
  
The day ticked by, and Willow, Angel and I decided to still go to the Bronze tonight, despite the lack of Xander, who usually is our entertainment.  
  
Willow told me to wear my, quote, "sexiest outfit" end quote. I instantly asked, why, and to that she replied, "Scott will be there." Then, Willow abruptly ended the conversation, and went home.  
  
Scott Hope. Who, Willow says, has had a crush on me since junior high. Don't you think I'd NOTICE if someone had a crush on me? I think Willow's a little delusional when it comes to this stuff.  
  
Anyway, back to Scott. He's good looking, he's a little taller than me, he's got nice brown hair and....his eyes are... I forget, but his eyes are probably pretty...uh, cool... I guess. Fact is, I don't know much about Scott. He's just a guy who's been in the same school as I have for...practically all of my life.  
  
I decided to wear one of my favorite dresses, that fits in all the right places... and Angel has commented on it quite a few times. Oh yes, I'm planning on turning up the seduction tonight!  
  
*  
  
The Bronze was packed with lots of hormone driven teenagers. Like always. I glance around for Willow, and not for Angel because Angel tends to be late for everything. He *may* show up at 9:00 and it would be a part of the norm. He just doesn't change.  
  
"Buffy! Over here!" I spin around to find Willow waving at me. And talking to Scott Hope. Oh. Dear. God.  
  
I walk slowly toward the table they are sitting at and I stare hard at Willow. She beams at me and says excitedly, "Buffy, look who's here." She gestures to Scott, who looks at me uncomfortably. I smile my best, and we exchange our "hi, how are you"'s.  
  
Willow obviously *doesn't* understand how very strange this situation is or HOW I'M GIVING HER THE EVIL EYE! And I'm known for my evil eye...well, not really, but Angel always says I could kill people with my glare. And believe me, I'm trying.  
  
She smiles at me and offers me the seat next to her, before plunging in to a conversation about how I'm VERY single and I have no romantic interests. Thank you, Will. I'm touched.  
  
"Anyway, Buffy isn't dating anyone at the moment." She pauses, and takes a good look at Scott. "Are you, Scott?" He shakes his head and shrugs. "No, uh, not right now. There's only one person I'm really interested in."  
  
Willow raises a red brow, and says, "Oh really?" Then, smiles, and says hurriedly, "I gotta go! My friend...over there, is calling...me." She scurries away leaving Scott and I. Alone. With nothing to talk about.  
  
Goodie.  
  
*  
  
"So, then, he says, 'Not today you won't.'" Scott says, finishing up a hilarious joke. I giggle at the punch line, amazed at how funny Scott, the usually silent man can be.  
  
Well, this is surprising. I'm actually *enjoying* this set up Willow has began. Scott is actually really, really, nice and very cute.  
  
"That was *so* funny. I didn't know that I could laugh that hard at one joke." I say, taking a sip of my drink. Scott blushes, and smiles meekly at me. "I try." He says, modestly.  
  
Just then, Angel walks up to our table, obviously just arriving. "Hey." He says to me, and then turns to Scott and looks back to me, his brow furrowed. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm just talking to Scott. You know Scott, right?" I answer him.  
  
He nods slowly, then narrows his eyes at Scott. "Yeah, we have a few classes together."  
  
Scott also nods and figets nervously. "Yeah we, uh, do..." He says, avoiding Angel's gaze. Angel's *angry* gaze.  
  
What the hell is going on here?  
  
"Buffy, I kind of wanted to ask you something." Scott says to me. I nod and look to Angel, "Angel, I think Willow's calling you." I lie.  
  
He shakes his head. "No she's not."  
  
"Scott wants to ask me something why don't you *go*." I bite out. He shakes his brown head again. "Whatever he needs to say he can say in front of me."  
  
I sigh and turn back to Scott. "Sorry. What were you going to ask me?"  
  
"Would you want to... I mean, would you like to umm...Go out--On, a date...sometime? With me, of course."  
  
Can't say I wasn't expecting that.  
  
Willow probably pressured him in to it. Oh crap.  
  
*  
  
Sorry I haven't updated in a while!! And sorry again because this is a cliffhanger and I probably won't be update until next week sometime, seeing as I'm heading down the shore this week! Yay! But, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and REVIEW PLEASE, PLEASE, *PLEASE*!! I live for it, if you haven't noticed. Oh yes, and a million special thank yous to those who review last time: Shahid, Nicole, immaturelittlegirl, Maleah Daila (or now known as Tutu), Tariq, Angel Davis, lilyanneb (and don't worry, b/a will soon be added in), TK, Meg, Fanficer Lore, and Buffy/Friends fan (and yes it is the year 2003) I want to say one more thing: I'm adding in two characters that were requested a lot, but I do need help with one: Doyle. You see, I did not watch Angel season one much, so if you could e-mail me at EmAngel10@aol.com or review with some tips on Doyle's personality or something's he says or whatever. It'd be a BIG help thanks so much! 


	5. Planning

Author: Emba  
  
Disclaimer: *laughs* Did Angel leave BtVs? Did Spike and Buffy get together? If the answer is yes to both questions then this stuff is *definetly* not mine. The plot is, but the characters are not.  
  
Authors Note: Thanks to those who e-mailed me about Doyle, your advice and tips really did help. And *please* don't be mad if Doyle is nothing like his character on Angel, because I really did try. Also, I've decided to put Doyle in the next chapter because I can fit more in to that one. But, if you have move tips the more the merrier!  
  
Author Note#2: I know I said, 'I won't be updating for a while'. Well... I exaggerated obviously. I didn't mean to but, I thought I'd be on vacation for longer. Just thought I should share that!  
  
*  
  
Have you ever been in one of those awkward moments where everyone's staring at you and you're not evening doing anything except blushing like the total freak that you are?  
  
Hey, I have too. Like the one I'm in *right* now.  
  
Angel's staring at me like I have five heads and they're all telling him to murder Scott, and Scott is looking at me like he asked me this big question and I have to answer it--Oh wait... I do have to answer his question.  
  
"Um... well, ya know..." I think I'm going to say no. But, how can I? Scott's such a nice guy but Angel-- Why am I worrying about Angel? He doesn't even notice me as a girl; I'm just his best friend to him. Why should I say no to Scott? He likes me, and I think I could really like him... Why not?  
  
"Yes. I will go out on a date with you." I say firmly, not daring to look at Angel's face. Why is he mad anyway?  
  
Scott smiles, slowly. "Great. Well, we'll make plans tomorrow...at uh, school."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I gotta go. Bye." He walks away and I take a sip of my drink, because suddenly my mouth is dry. Maybe because Angel's been staring at me for *forever*.  
  
Suddenly, Xander walks up to our table, with a blonde I have never seen before in my life in tow. "Hey, Buffster!" He says, and then looks at Angel, "And Angel."  
  
"Guess what?!" Xander asks us, excitedly.  
  
I shrug, "What?"  
  
"This is Anya!" He answers, pointing to the blonde who's been looking around the club with an expression of pure bored-ness.... is bored-ness even a *word*? God, my life is like...crap.  
  
"She just moved in next door to our house. Remember?" He leans in closer to me and whispers, "Remember the rich people?" I nod in response. "Well, that's her family!" He smiles a huge smile.  
  
"Great. That's um...great." I try to sound enthusiastic but Angel is *still* staring at me. Do I have something on my face?  
  
Anya looks at me and stares blankly. "Hi." I say nervously.  
  
"Hello." She says, not looking too interested.  
  
Xander looks at Angel curiously then looks back to me. "I'm going to show her around town. Ya know, show her the hot spots and the only Starbucks we got around here. We'll see ya tomorrow!" He waves, and hurries Anya out of the Bronze.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Angel? Are you going to sit down? Or talk? Or how about making any movement of any kind?" I ask carefully.  
  
Angel sits down in the chair Scott had occupied for an hour. But still doesn't talk. "What? Why aren't you talking? Is it because I *finally* got a date this year before you did? Or because--"  
  
"Hey, Angel! When did you get here? And what's wrong?" Willow suddenly appears. She turns to me suddenly. "And where's Scott?"  
  
"Scott left and Angel's gone catatonic." I quip, and take another sip of my drink.  
  
Willow looks at Angel again and shrugs, then turns to me. "Soooo, what'd Scott say?" Angel's a jack in the box that won't...pop and Willow's only worried about what Scott said!!  
  
"Willow! Angel's not even talking--"  
  
"I'm talking." He says, looking at me blankly. "See? This is me...talking."  
  
I glare at him. Ya know that glare that can kill people? Well, that's the glare I'm using right now. First, he's all not talking...and now he's trying to make it with the funny.  
  
Willow looks at him, then smiles at me encouragingly, "See? He's talking." She continues, "What did Scott say? Anything important? You guys seemed to be talking for a very long time." She giggled girlishly.  
  
"Scott asked me on a date." I say with no enthusiasm.  
  
Willow squeals happily and smiles again. "Soooo, what'd you say?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ooh! I *knew* you wouldn't be able to say no! He's just so cute and--"  
  
I cut her off. "Willow, did you force him to ask me out?"  
  
Willow sighs and brings over a third chair to sit on. "Of course not. He asked of his own free will."  
  
I eyed her suspiciously. "Fine. But, if you're paying him..." I trail off, not sure of what I would do.  
  
"Don't worry, Buffy. I'm not paying him. Trust me."  
  
*  
  
After my little talk with Willow I pretty much booked from the Bronze. Angel didn't follow me out, so I wasn't exactly sure what he's feeling. I mean...what the hell happened? He looked *jealous*. Murder was in his eyes. I swear...and I've seen Angel mad before. Like the time Dave "The Hulk" Anderson threatened to beat him up. It was junior year and it was because Angel stole Dave's girlfriend. Angel got so mad on his way to the fight, he hates it when people make fun or him, or question his "manliness". So, Angel and Dave fought and Angel came back with a sprained wrist, black eye, and several bruises. I was the one who nursed him back to health while said girlfriend dumped Angel and went back to Dave. Angel was pretty broody for the next days, but finally got over it.  
  
I think Angel only looked jealous. Maybe it was that brotherly love crap that Willow thinks he has for me. I hope not. I can't convince him he loves me if it's *brotherly* love for crying out loud! This is so confusing. I wish I had a monitor of emotions, and i could just hold the monitor up to someone and it'd said what kind of emotion they were feeling. I wish that wasn't impossible.  
  
I would ordinarily talk to Willow about this stuff, but she's been in Scott mode for days, and she would probably just compare Angel to Scott and I'm totally not in the mood for that. Tomorrow I'll be talking to Scott about our date plans anyway, so I'll be hearing Scott's praises by Willow sooner or later.  
  
*  
  
"Buffy, hey." A voice called me from behind.  
  
"Oh, hey Scott." I answer him, smiling a cheerful smile.  
  
School's half way over, and I expected to see Scott sooner, but you know shy guys...they always keep ya guessing...or is that bad boys?  
  
"Would you like to um...go out to the Bronze tomorrow night? For our uh.. date, I mean."  
  
I smile at his obvious shyness about the subject. "I'd like that. I'll meet you there at 8:00. Does that sound good?"  
  
He nods in answer. "Yeah. It does. I'll see you then." He walks away to his next class and I stand there...staring at him.  
  
What am I doing? Am I misleading Scott? Making him think I can really give all I have to him if I only want to give all I have to someone else?  
  
TBC.  
  
Thanks to those who reviewed! Tutu, Buffy/Friends fan, VP, Tariq, jess, bwoodBme, Jen, alyssa, Taylah, chazza, GoodCharlottesGurl, Jess, and Nicole. Thank you so much, without your encouragment and advice I probably wouldn't have continued this story! Also, a special that you to immaturelittlegirl and Angel Davis for sending me Doyle e-mails. The information you sent were very helpful! I will update as soon as I can, but while you wait REVIEW for me!! 


	6. Doyle's Arrival

Author: Emba  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. well, the plot is.but, nothing else.  
  
Authors Note: I'm really sorry I haven't been updating lately. I just got RCN cable and everything was messed up for a while...but, it's all good now. Plus, I had a huge case of writers block. Okay, I'll stop talking...er, typing and I'll get to the story...  
  
*  
  
After school, Angel and I walked home. He steered clear of the subject of Scott Hope and went right in to talking about food. Yes, that's right, food. I do enjoy food, very much...maybe a little more than I should...but, not that much to talk about it. It was kind of weird how he just talked about his favorite foods and asked me what my favorite foods were. I answered of course, but couldn't help but *not* understand.  
  
After that strange conversation, we headed back to his house, since my mother was still at work and I had already left the food for the dog and walked it and all that stuff it needs. I learned I can actually take care of a living being! It surprised me but, I love that dog.  
  
Angel and I are now residing in his bedroom, laying in his bed...Yes, I know it's a very *couple-y* type thing, but I assure you it probably didn't even pass by in Angel's mind. Sadly, it has passed by mine. Several times. You'd think I'd be slightly uncomfortable in these situations...oh wait, I am!!!  
  
"So, when's your date?" He asks, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. I lay beside him, staring ahead at the ceiling as well.  
  
"Tomorrow." I answer.  
  
"Where?" He says, neutrally.  
  
"The Bronze."  
  
He doesn't comment on that, or ask another question he just...stares at the ceiling.  
  
Just then, someone I have never seen before bursts through the door. It's a guy...he's not too short, but not tall. He's got brown hair and icy blue eyes. "Sorry, Liam... Didn't mean to barge in on you...in an *activity*." He says, chuckling. Both Angel and I are already sitting up in his bed, after this person entered. "Doyle... we weren't--we were just--" Angel stutters.  
  
"You don't have to explain anything to me, Liam." Liam? Who calls Angel 'Liam' except his mom and dad? And Brennan...but just to annoy Angel. "Good choice, man." The guy says, winking at Angel. "She is a very pretty lass." Then, he winks at me...  
  
I don't believe anyone has ever called me a 'lass' in my entire life. And this guy has an Irish accent.  
  
"Doyle... we're just talking. She's not my--"  
  
"Girlfriend." I say bitterly. The Irish guy nods, and begins to leave. "Well, I'll just leave you two alone." He smiles and leaves.  
  
I stare at the door after him. "Who was that?"  
  
"You know how most of my mother's family lives in Ireland?"  
  
"Yeah." I answer, still confused.  
  
"Well... that's Doyle. Allan Francis Doyle. He's my cousin but he lives in Ireland... I have idea why he's *here* but, he is."  
  
"Strange..." I mutter, before Angel's mom calls him downstairs.  
  
*  
  
"So, what are they popular spots in this here town?" Heh. What an Irish accent! I've never really heard someone who is from *Ireland* speak. Angel imitates Irish accents for me... such as, "Top o' the mornin' to ya" and "Aye, me laddie", which by the way is adorable (and hilarious) when he does it, but Doyle's accent is so *real*. And after Angel performs his imitations for me, he usually dances a little jig which is, by far, the funniest thing I have ever seen.  
  
Doyle, Angel, and I are walking around town, after Mrs. O'Connor ordered us to show him Sunnydale and the hot spots here. What we are *actually* doing is helping him embrace the fact that there *are* no hot spots in Sunnydale. The Bronze is a hot spot...but the only one. Believe me.  
  
It turns out Doyle is staying here with the O'Connor's for...who knows how long, but I know he's enrolled in Sunnydale High, and coming to school tomorrow.  
  
"The Bronze." Angel answers Doyle's question as we walk toward it.  
  
Doyle looks at Angel, his brow furrowed. "Is that it?"  
  
"Pretty much." I answer.  
  
Doyle sighs and frowns. "You'd think the all *great* America would have some great spots for good ol' Doyle to have some fun... but, nooo of course not."  
  
"Aren't there any good places back in Ireland?" I ask. My picture of Ireland is a bunch of partying. Maybe I should learn more about Ireland... I never did like geography.  
  
Doyle shakes his head and heaves a sigh again. "Not when you live in my town."  
  
I nod and decide to dive in to small talk, seeing as Angel has remained silent. We talk for a couple minutes, asking each other normal question. My next one was, "Do you have a girlfriend at home?"  
  
Doyle looks at me out of the corner of his eye and chuckles, "You trying to make a move on me, Buffy?"  
  
I blush slightly and smile. "No. Just curious."  
  
"Sadly, I do not have a girlfriend. I go to an all boys Catholic school which means, we hardly see girls. Ever." He sighs and shrugs.  
  
"Here we are. This is the Bronze." Angel interrupts our conversation and points toward the Bronze. Doyle looks at it thoughtfully and we begin to move toward it. He holds the door open and gestures for me to enter first. "Ladies first." He grins broadly.  
  
I smile back and enter, walking inside and searching for a familiar face. None. I walk up to a three seated table and sit down, leading Doyle and Angel to follow me. "Want something to drink, Doyle?"  
  
"Yeah, give me a whiskey, Liam." Doyle answered casually, setting his coat on his chair.  
  
Angel and I looked at each other and then back at Doyle, who didn't seem to notice a thing. "You want a soda, Buffy?" He asks me. "Sure." I say. Angel nods and heads off to the bar.  
  
Doyle and I sit in peaceful silence for a moment...looking around at the faces dancing and lounging around us. "Hey, Buffy... who is that lass over there? The tall one with the dark hair?" He points directly behind me and I turn to see Queen C herself dancing with a large crowd of Cordettes.  
  
I almost cracked up right then and there. Is Doyle actually interested in *Cordelia*? He'll die from a. her attitude or b. how much hairspray is in her hair. Seriously...her hair is looking majorly over-sprayed to me--- "Buffy?"  
  
"Oh, her? You don't want to know." I look back at Doyle to find him gaping at Cordelia, his expression soft and enchanted. Oh. Dear. God.  
  
"C' mon, I need to know." He answers, almost pleading with me. I grimace slightly and sigh. "Her name is Cordelia Chase. She's probably one of the most popular girls in school. Trust me; you don't want to get involved with her. She's evil. And I mean *evil*. One time, she tripped me our freshmen year on our first day of school, right in front of *everyone*. I was scarred for life." Maybe the story with knock him out of his Cordy-fantasy.  
  
"I don't know about that, people can change. Especially when I'm the one changing them." He winks at me and I sigh again. Oh great. Doyle just came to America and he's going to get his heart broken already.  
  
Angel returns, barring drinks. He hands them to us, and Doyle takes a swig of his and then spits it out and turns to Angel. "Eh, man, where's my whiskey?"  
  
"Sorry, Doyle. You're underage. In about three years, you can come back and have a drink." Angel replies, taking a sip of his soda.  
  
"Oh...right." He answers, and glances back at Cordelia.  
  
A few minutes passed by, we talked small talk and Doyle and Angel talked about childhood pranks while I listened patiently. It was going okay until, the object of Doyle's obsession here in America, came walking over.  
  
"Angel. Buffy. Who's your new friend? If you're new in this town, you definitely don't want to be hanging with losers. He," She pointed to Angel, "ditches people when they invite him along to the Bronze. And she," Oh Lord. What is she gonna say about me? I have bad shoes? "Has all of three friends...to be exact."  
  
Doyle just starred at her while Angel and I fumed. "So, Cordelia. What brings you to our *loser* table?" I managed to say out of my gritted teeth. I *could've* said something witty and insulting but instead, I change the subject like the pathetic loser I am.  
  
"The new guy. He is new, right?" She looked at Doyle carefully. "He's not talking.... Is he foreign or a mute? 'Cuz...then he will definitely fit in with you guys."  
  
Doyle continued to stare with this weird look in his eyes. Like admiration or something. Is that what I look like when I look at Angel? Just stare at him when he's talking... or when he smiles a little and does his 'I'm a broody-guy' look? Because... if I do... I *REALLY* need to stop.  
  
"He's got a little bit of a cold right now...maybe he'll talk tomorrow. At school. But, since his cold is so bad... he may just stare." I pause. "Again." Maybe that will make her leave.  
  
Cordelia flips her hair a little and sighs. "Fine." And she walks away. Wow! That worked like a *really* lucky charm. *Really* lucky.  
  
Angel nudges Doyle and says, "Doyle? Are you going to speak anytime soon?"  
  
Doyle finally turns to Angel and smiles. "I think I'm in love with that girl."  
  
*  
  
After that frightening experience, we walked home. Angel asking Doyle the same question the whole way..."Are you *serious*? Cordelia *Chase*?" And Doyle complimenting her, like saying this. "She's got the prettiest eyes..."  
  
Why can't someone be like that with me?! By someone, I mean Angel.  
  
"Good night, Buffy." He says, as I finally leave his house after getting back from the Bronze. I turn to him and smile. "Night." Our eyes meet. Our eyes have met!! And there's this little chill that runs down my spine. What the hell is this?! Usually, if Angel's eyes and my eye's meet and there's a long pause... we laugh. But, this is like...crazy-I'm-starring-at-you eyes meeting thing. No, that did not make sense but...  
  
"Liam!! Where's the beer?!" I hear Doyle shout from the kitchen.  
  
Angel shakes his head...as if he's shaking something off...then straightens out. "I'll pick you up for school tomorrow." He smiles briefly and walks in to his house.  
  
Life hates me.  
  
I have finally figured it out. Life wants to put me through hell....so, it makes me think Angel wants to kiss me... and then it makes Doyle shout about beer or something so that it breaks my dreams in to five million pieces and..... this is CRAP!  
  
Tomorrow is my date with Scott.  
  
With my luck, I'll probably trip and fall or...pour hot chocolate or something... all over him.  
  
I don't know where or how I'll get hot chocolate....but....I bet it'll happen.  
  
TBC  
  
Okay! I promise I will update as soon as I can, but in a little more than a week I'm going on vacation *g* And then going to a basketball camp... so it'll either be this week or whenever. So, stay tuned! A special thanks to Tutu, GoodCharlottesGurl, Fiona, Chris, Rbritsmom73, Kendra, immaturelittlegirl, jess, Ania Raziel, shahid, nicole, babybluez, Angel Davis, TK, Lissa, Buffy/Friends fan, and VP. I'm so sorry if I forgot to put you in if you updated, my computer has been crappy lately! And hopefully, Doyle's character was written well and if not, I am very sorry... But, PLEASE, PLEASE review or I will pout. You won't *see* me pout but I will... 


	7. Musings And A Date

Author: Emba  
  
Pairings: But of course, B/A! I'm sippin' cold lemonade in this place I like to call denial.  
  
Disclaimer: *shakes head* NOT FREAKIN' MINE!! Why must you always ask?  
  
Authors Note: Update!! Wow!! That was pretty quick if you ask me ... and you probably won't ask so I'll stop talking. Enjoy this chapter. I try my hardest.  
  
*  
  
My birthday is in exactly one week. One week and I'm eighteen. I can vote. I can also say to someone, "Hey, we're all adults here," because I *will* be an adult! Ah.the possibilities of an adult life. I can...do...some...non- teenage stuff. I can...well, I don't know, be *cooler*!  
  
God, I'm pathetic. I'm talking about how I'll be *cooler* in a week. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.  
  
Tonight is my date with Scott. I've been pondering about what to wear... Pants or a skirt? Do I want to look sexy? Or hard to get? Because...if you go with sexy you could (accidentally) end up looking like a skank, which doesn't look go on me...thus...no sexy outfits tonight. But, sometimes you got to just take it over the edge, right? Or was it...lean over the edge? Touch the edge? Well, I don't remember but the edge is going to be...pretty...leaned over. Or whatever. If you haved noticed metaphors aren't my forte.  
  
But, I'm still a bit peeved about this whole date. The "sexy look" hasn't been picked out or even confirmed that that *is* what I am going to wear. Maybe Scott likes the coy ones. Truth is, I don't know much about Scott! He's like...the loner kid at school that has a few friends, and you think you know the kid...but you don't. Strange, I know, but also true. Well, I guess I'll find out in a few short hours.  
  
Willow called a few minutes ago, gushing about how wonderful it will be for *me* to go out on a date. I almost said, "Why don't YOU go out on a date, Miss-I-like-books-and-nothing-else?" But, I stopped myself, because I knew Willow was only trying to help. She suggested--no, make that *told me* she was coming over. I asked why she was coming over, because I have the situation completely under control, and she laughed and hung up. I guess Willow doesn't have much faith of me and clothes.  
  
I sat on my bed, when Willow burst through my door, smiling ear to ear. Until she noticed I was not dressed for the occasion. I only had sweat pants and a t-shirt on. She frowned. "Wha--Why aren't you dressed for the date?"  
  
"Because, Will, the date is in two and a half hours. I'd be a little early, wouldn't I?"  
  
Willow shrugs and rushes in to my closet. "Well, okay...let's see....what to wear..." A few clothes are thrown on to my bed. "It seems to me Scott likes the coy ones, you know...like 'I'm innocent yet can be very sexy'. So, we can go with this..." She throws a tank top. "And this." And then throws a matching skirt. Cute. Very cute. A *very* cute outfit.  
  
"Wear your hair down...with that cute little clip and you'll look perfect. Maybe you're choker or a necklace will go with the outfit! Ooh, I'm so excited!" She giggled and the moved to leave the room. "Now, change and tell me when you're done." Willow closed the door behind her and I was left. Alone. Staring at the floor.  
  
Shoudn't I be more excited about this? Shouldn't I be overly giddy? With a capital *gid*? Well, I'm not. Does that say something? Yes. It does. It says this: 'I do not want to go.' Plain and simple. Why, oh why, am I doing this?  
  
*  
  
I walk in to the Bronze with Willow because Scott and I decided to meet there at 8:00 sharp. It seems to me the term sharp was forgotten by Scott, seeing as he is not here yet. Great. If I get stood up life will suck. More than it has lately. Which is saying a lot since, life is of the major suckage.  
  
Willow tells me to sit on a couch casually and wait. Oh great. I get to sit *by myself* on a couch with *no one* to talk to. Sounds very casual.  
  
I do as she says, knowing that if I don't...I will be killed. While waiting, I mused about the day I had. Doyle's first day of school in America. I think he found it strange, but very good that he was in a co-ed school. I caught him staring Cordelia's way a few times. And the strange thing was... she was staring his way once or twice as well.  
  
Strange....  
  
"Hey, Buffy." Scott comes up to me and sits beside me. "Scott. Hey." I answer, unsure of what else to say. "Sorry I'm late." He apologized nervously.  
  
"No prob. I wasn't here long anyways." I say back, trying to be as casual as possible. This is going to be either a very awkward night or a very fun night. I'm leaning toward awkward myself...but, who knows?  
  
*  
  
Scott and I are ending our date at this very moment. Wondering how it went? Let me tell you...  
  
First Stage of Date: Eating and/or drinking at our table. While eating...we talked. Not much to talk about but I know some more about Scott.  
  
Second Stage of Date: Dancing. Well...sort of. Scott was a bit nervous (is he ever anything other than nervous?) about the dancing portion of the date, but he seemed to have some fun. Plus, the band rocked!  
  
Third Stage of Date: More talking. This time on the couch.  
  
Fourth Stage of Date: The goodbye's...in which we are doing at this moment....  
  
We stand outside the Bronze, both looking at each other NERVOUSLY. Is he going to kiss me? Because that may not be a good idea. First date kisses never end up good for me. In 7th grade I started dating Josh Trentment...and he was my first "boyfriend"....if I should even call him that anymore. He would pretend I wasn't there during social outings but all alone he'd be all, "Let's make out." How very romantic. Later on, when my other *girl* best friend Faith (who tragically moved away two years ago) told me that her many boyfriends would put music on and go all out before they would kiss her...I realized my boyfriend sucked. In some ways...I think it was because I kissed him the first "date". I told you when I was twelve things sucked more than they do now! Plus, I think 7th grade was a little early to be having boyfriends. But, what do I know? I had like...three in my whole freakin' life!!!  
  
"So...I'll call you. Or we'll talk tomorrow. Maybe we can do this again." He smiles.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Of course. We'll talk." I take a small step back. "Bye." Scott waves, backing up as well. "See ya." I answer, smiling my best smile. He's cute. That's all I can say. He's not burning up that he's so hot. But, he's cute. As I walk away I think....am I actually moving on? Can I? This is way depressing. I need ice cream.  
  
*  
  
The next day Angel, Doyle and I walked to school. It seems Angel didn't have much to talk about...at all. Meaning he didn't talk. He looks so confused now a days. I wonder what's going on...he doesn't tell me much anymore and I almost think his confusion is about the math homework Mrs. Spelling gave us yesterday. Seriously, math is so confusing! Especially trig. Imagine me shuddering right about....now. Trig sucks.  
  
Back to the point, Doyle was unexpectedly chatty while Angel was silent.  
  
During the day, Scott seemed to...follow me around a little. I would go to lunch and sit somewhere....and he's sit right next to me. Or, I'd go to class and he'd walk me there and say goodbye and then rush to his class just as the bell would ring. It's not exactly a turn on when a guy follows you everywhere.  
  
It was great to finally get out of school. I practically ran home to get away from everything. Willow nagging me about my date last night, Xander and the new girl, Anya sucking face, (Did I fail to mention they were named an item two nights ago? Well, they are and all they do is make out in front of us. Well...not all the time. Sometimes they'll have conversations) and Angel being uncharacteristically silent--even for him!  
  
I walk in and close the door and sigh. Ah...silence. It's nice to hear every now and then. Mom's probably at work-- "Buffy! Come to the kitchen for a minute!" Oh CRAP. More noise. Maybe she just wants me to pick out some take out food for our dinner tonight...or something.  
  
"What?" I say as I walk in. I spot about a million pamphlets all on the island in our kitchen.  
  
"Let's look at some colleges! How about it? The end of high school is soon approaching and we want you to go to a good school." She says, smiling as she flashes some college brochures.  
  
Today sucks. I know I use the term 'sucks' often...but truly it does.  
  
Angel-shaped-tension + Scott following me around + Mom in college overdrive + Me still being hopelessly in love with Angel = Crap.  
  
That is a very true statement. Don't you think?  
  
It's like I'm stuck in a bad 80's movie.  
  
*  
  
"Buffy... I was thinking...maybe, tomorrow or something, we could... you know, go on another date or something. You know if you want to." Scott says the next day, after stopping me before I went in to class.  
  
I look at him. I mean, really, look at him. Do I want to go another date with him? Yes. I think I do. I mean, since when does Angel love me the way I love him? If you haven't noticed, I'm not in to the kind of brother- sister love with Angel.  
  
"Of course. Where do you wanna go?"  
  
Scott pauses for a second. "Friday night I'll meet you at the coffee shop on Crestford Avenue."  
  
"Okay sounds good to me." I smile, encouragingly. He smiles back. "Good. Then... I'll see you Friday." He walks away and I step in to class with a nice smile on my face... a very small one, but still a nice smile. Maybe this is what some people like to call 'moving on'. Or maybe... it's called 'kidding myself'. I'll figure it out soon enough.  
  
TBC  
  
Sorry I didn't have much Doyle or...Angel...or Xander or Anya in this chapter but I was in a hurry because of me going on vacation then right after that going to basketball camp then right after that try-outs for field hockey for my highschool. So, I'm definetly busy til at least August 14. You'll have to wait until then for my next chapter but, I promise I will update right away when I get back. And please keep on sendin' the feedback! It's the greatest feeling ever! Here are some special thanks to those that gave me some on my last chapter: Tutu, Angel Davis, Rbritsmom73, Meg586, amiee, GoodCharlottesGurl, Jillian Ryn, courtney, nicole, and spoiledsquish! The next chapter I write is a *major* chapter and will definitely be either long, or meaningful. You will not have to wait long for B/A goodness, don't worry. Okay, now review and I will update as soon as I can! 


	8. Surprises

Author: Emba  
  
Disclaimer: Can I own like...two characters? Preferably Buffy and Angel? I'll take anyone! Even...Andrew...no, not Andrew but anyone else! Like Cordelia...maybe I can kill her off for good. Sound good, Joss? Oh right, I forgot you went insane like...five years ago.  
  
Authors Note: This is the big chapter! The monster of all chapters! The greatest chapter alive---well, I wouldn't go that far... but it'll be a pretty good chapter. Do not be fooled by the beginning of the chapter...it does get better...then confusion will happen and many happenings. Hopefully, all of you will enjoy this chapter and I will get showered with praise....and if you were wondering, yes that was a hint.  
  
Authors Note 2: Okay, just stay calm through all of Buffy and Scotts date...*PLEASE* just do not click out of the story. The actions in the date were meant to confuse Buffy and create angst. And it will. Just read this whole chapter and by the end of it you'll be happy. Trust me.  
  
*  
  
Days have gone by and tomorrow is my birthday!! Tomorrow I will be eighteen. Yay me!  
  
Moving on...I ate lunch with Scott today, because he asked me to sit outside with him. Me, being the kindest person alive (imagine me snorting at that thought) accepted and sat with him. I found out that Scott has quite a few friends....when, I originally thought he was friendless. While we ate, several people came up to him. Such as, Spike. Who is Spike, you ask? Spike is the bad ass of the school. And he's British! I think it's so cool to hear him talk. Sometimes, I'll just get in his way so he'll say, "Move, luv." It's so cool! I wish I could have an accent. *Any* accent.  
  
Anyways, as it turns out they have been friends...forever. Now there are two people I never though would be matched together as friends. Spike, the bad boy, and Scott, the nervous guy, friends for life.  
  
My date with Scott is tonight. At the coffee shop. I never liked coffee. Sure, it smells good and that's great but I think I have bad memories of coffee...for instance, Angel stealing some from his mother's pot of coffee, just to see what it tasted like, and then him tripping and spilling it all over me. That's what I call a bad experience. We were eight at the time. I still tease Angel about that to this day.  
  
As I was saying before, our second date is tonight. I can't say I'm ecstatic. Or happy. Or content. I'm...alright. Maybe I should just tell Scott I have feelings for someone else and I can't see him anymore. Because, if I really think about it, I'm fooling myself. I can never feel anything for Scott like I do for Angel...right? I mean, I've been in love with Angel for who knows how long, and I practically just met Scott. This is so confusing. On one hand, I'll never feel anything for Scott that even compares to Angel, and one the other Angel doesn't have the same feelings for me and Scott seems to be...smitten with me. I wish I could just tell Angel *right* now and he would return my feelings. And then Doyle would sing Irish songs in the back round as fireworks go off and Willow and Xander dance around Angel and I as we kiss. Sounds pretty simple... Right...  
  
Oh well, it's never going to happen and I bet when I'm thirty and Angel and I are still best friends, I'll still be in love with him. And he'll still think of me as a sister. Do I sound bitter?  
  
Good, 'cuz I am.  
  
*Really* bitter.  
  
*  
  
I was already for my date and was about to leave when the phone rang. And of course, mom is gone because of "work". Ya know, sometimes I think she's dating someone secretly....or perhaps she's a secret agent.... Well, maybe not the second one but seriously, if you think about it she really could be a secret agent. One: she's never home. Two: she's *always* at work. And three: she's very good at carving a turkey. Which sometimes, leads me to believe she's *deadly* with a knife if she can carve a turkey that quickly. One Thanksgiving, she actually---  
  
Oh crap! The phone! My digression is becoming disease-like.  
  
"Hello?" I answer, trying not to let the irritation seep in to my voice. "Buffy?" The other line says, and I realize its Angel.  
  
"Yeah, Angel, what's up?"  
  
Hesitation from the other end of the phone line. "Um... I need to talk to you."  
  
Strange. "I can't talk; I'm on my way out. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"Sure, yeah...alright. Tomorrow at about...7. Be at my house." He has a time and a place set up...interesting.  
  
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then." He says goodbye and I hang up.  
  
And again, I say....Strange.  
  
*  
  
"So... tomorrow's your birthday." Scott says, smiling. I smile back as happily as I can. The date's going pretty well. Really. I'm enjoying it more than I thought I would.  
  
"Yup. Tomorrow is my birthday. The big 1-8."  
  
"What would you like for you birthday? Anything in particular?" He asks.  
  
"Actually, yes. I would like a huge box of *unfattening* chocolates that really taste fattening, for Collin Farrell to drive up to my house and take me away to a remote island, and I also want a permanent tan." I quip. He stares at me in his confused way. "I was joking, Scott... well, not *joking* as in...joking...but it'd be great if that ever happened." He laughed and took a sip of his coffee.  
  
We're sitting across from each other in this little coffee shop. It's so cute! It's like one you would find have almost no people in it. But, it's an adorable shop. With little sampler boxes with the little chocolate chip cookies in them. I must've had eighteen of them....hence my wish of unfattening chocolates that taste fattening. And who *doesn't* wish Collin Farrell to rescue them from their boring life? I had a whole day dream about that in Math class... What happened was, I was sitting there in class, innocently tapping my pencil on the paper (did I mention I look hotter than I ever had in my life in this day dream?) and I'm praying that someone will save me from this class when--BAM! Collin Farrell bursts through the door in the most amazing outfit, with flowers, and keys to his convertible in hand. He stands beside me and gets down on one knee and says, "Buffy.... will you marry me?" Of course, I say yes, and we run out of the school in to his car and move to an exotic island. I think that was my best day dream ever. Is it sad that I day dream about that stuff? Yes. But, wasn't it GREAT? I think I have a thing for Irish guys... Go figure.  
  
Just then I noticed Scott was in the middle of talking. God, I have such a low attention span.  
  
"...And then his dad said he couldn't go, so they didn't and nobody knew why. Isn't that strange?" Scott says, finishing his story about...something that I have no idea about.  
  
I try to cover. "Oh yeah...really, *really* strange. I mean...I'm shocked. It's that strange." I smile nervously. I'm not all that good at lying...if you haven't already noticed.  
  
"So....what do you want for your birthday that I can actually *get* you? I don't really know Collin Farrell that well....Once I did but we had a fight and now he trash talks me to the press, it's a whole big thing." Wow! Scott deadpanned! I laugh loudly. I can't help it; sometimes I'm a loud laugher.  
  
"Really? Well, what about that chocolate thing? I mean, you can invent it right? All nonfattening chocolate tastes bad in my opinion."  
  
Scott smiles slowly. "I'll work on it." Oh my gosh! Scott is flirting! This is the first time he's really...ever flirted with me. And I have to admit....he's pretty good at it. Really. There should be a headline in the newspaper tomorrow: Shy Guy Turns Flirt And Shocks Local Girl. Or something close to that.  
  
"Seriously... what do you want for your birthday?" It makes me think he really didn't buy anything for my birthday until the day *before* it. But, it's sweet anyway...well, at least he's *buying* me a gift.  
  
I think for a moment. "Hmm...a CD maybe. Or a movie! For you know, those nights when you just don't feel like doing anything. I like lots of things...and some of them are *way* too expensive...even if Bill Gates attempted to buy me something, I would exceed his budget." Scotts chuckles before saying, "Maybe you should marry Donald Trump...unless he's already married."  
  
"There's a thought." I say. We both pause... and look at each other. Okay... I was afraid this was going to happen. This moment where he looks like he wants to kiss me. I don't think I can do that. Scott is great...really, great. But, I still am in love with Angel. And Angel's never going to notice me that way and nothing will happen. Right? I think I've finally lost hope. In some ways I have...in others I can't help but believe one day Angel will turn around and just tell me he loves me. Or give me a rose and kiss me or something really romantic. Maybe I should just take a chance. With another guy.  
  
And we both lean in and...kiss. It was a cute kiss. Not one of those mind blowing ones (a kiss I have yet to experience) but, it was a pleasant one. It wasn't gross...but it wasn't fantastic. It was just... a kiss. Basically. But, I do like Scott.  
  
*  
  
As I walk home from our date, I look around at Sunnydale. It's about eleven o'clock at night and I'm walking the streets and yet, I'm not afraid. Someone might say I'm not afraid because I know karate or something, but nope...no karate or anything physical except kicking or hitting. It's because Sunnydale had probably all of three mugging in the last five years. And if someone came up to me and took my purse or something, I'd notice their face or voice right away because in Sunnydale, everyone knows *everyone*. Maybe that's why our population declined years ago...because the criminals decided Sunnydale was a waste of time.  
  
I reach my house and go inside and suddenly realize that tomorrow is my birthday. Well...okay, not just '*suddenly* realize' but... I think I'm finally starting to believe that I'm growing up. Ya know? Like I'm kind of moving on from Angel and just being more responsible (hence the dog that is not sick or dead).  
  
I must get to sleep so I am ready for a million phone calls from Willow, all talking about how cool it is that I'm eighteen. It's nice to know I have some things I can count on.  
  
*  
  
This morning I woke up and the house was dead silent. Every birthday of mine my mom bakes a cake or makes me breakfast and serves it to me in bed. Today, there was nothing. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised...because my mother often has to work over time on Saturdays...but...still!! It's my birthday!! 18th to be exact.  
  
Maybe I'll go downstairs and there'll be a cake waiting for me...or some pancakes and a note and balloons. My hope has suddenly been restored.  
  
I walk downstairs and find nothing special. Not in the kitchen, not in the living room, not anywhere!! There's not even a note! You'd think there'd be a note. Like, 'Happy Birthday, honey. I'll be home from work soon. Enjoy your day.'. But, nooooo. I get zip. Notta. Zilch. And this is from my own mother!  
  
I can't believe I'm feeling depressed on my own birthday. My birthdays are usually joyful and happy, with lots of presents. Maybe I can still count on my friends to remember.  
  
So, I'm going to sit by the phone and watch some TV and hope for Willow to call at 11:30 AM sharp.  
  
*  
  
Okay... I can't believe this. Either I've watch Sixteen Candle's way too much and am being delusional or my mom *and* my friends have totally forgot about my birthday!! It's 3:00 PM!! I've been sitting here all day, in my pajama's, by the phone, watching 'Saved By The Bell' re-runs. Why can't I go to the same high school they go to? There's like...five people in the whole school. Maybe *then* all of them will remember when it's my freaking birthday!!!  
  
*  
  
It is almost seven o'clock at night and no one has called except two telemarketers, who really pissed me off. I mean I was expecting someone to called and wish me a happy birthday and it ended up to be a telemarketer!! Ugh, my birthday sucks.  
  
Oh crap! I forgot I'm supposed to go to Angel house in about 10 minutes! Maybe he will remember my birthday. Hopefully.  
  
*  
  
I'm dressed and ready to go. I know I have to look *really* good just to make myself feel better because I really feel like crap. So, I straightened my hair and wore my cutest outfit and everything.  
  
I walk over and there's only like...two lights on in the whole house. The O'Connor's house is like my home away from my home so they won't mind if I just went right in so I am and--  
  
"SURPRISE!!" Oh holy God!! It's a surprise party!!  
  
There are like... a million people stuffed inside Angel's house. Most of them I probably have never talked to my whole life...but, who cares!! People actually remembered my birthday! There's this big banner on the wall and food and people and I'm so excited!  
  
Willow runs up to me and squeals loudly. "Hi!! Happy birthday!!! You are eighteen. Eighteen. I can't believe it!!" She crushed me to her in a hug. I never thought Willow was so strong!  
  
"Thanks, Will. I thought everyone forgot about me."  
  
Willow smile turned brighter. "That was the plan! But, see, look at all these people! Angel and Xander are somewhere in the crowd. And guess who's here?!" She turned to reveal someone I haven't seen in years.  
  
"Faith!" I gasped and ran to my old friend. She smiled and hugged me. "Hey, B. Happy 18th. Eighteen is one more step closer to twenty one when you can legally drink." She smirked.  
  
"I like how this woman thinks." Doyle said, overhearing our conversation. He winked at me and said, "Happy Birthday." Then he followed Cordelia--- wait, CORDELIA? Why the hell is she here?!  
  
Willow followed my eyes and when I looked at her in shock she only shook her head. "I know. We're all wondering why she's here. And we also want to know where all these people came from..." She shrugged and walked away.  
  
I turned back to Faith and smiled. "So, how's New York?" Faith moved away in ninth grade to New York City. Her parents moved there because of a new job, and she had to leave us behind. Faith and Willow were my best friends throughout grade school. Although Faith's personality was a bit different from mine and Willow's, she was a very important part of our little friendship circle.   
  
"New York is good. Way different than here of course and there are *so* many guys, B. I have this huge selection of guys. It's so much better than here." She pauses. "Speaking of guys... Are you still in love with Angel?"  
  
I nod slowly. She always tried to push me to go out with other guys... It was always a little bit annoying but I know she was only trying to help. "B... You seriously gotta get over him!"   
  
"I'm dating someone else, though. Scott Hope, do you remember him?" Faith pondered a moment and then nodded. "I think so. Was he kinda short? And had dark hair? Kinda cute? A loner?"  
  
"Yup. That's him. We've gone on two dates so far. I'm not sure if he's here or not."  
  
Faith suddenly smiled evily. "Get anywhere with him?"  
  
I shook my head in mock disappointment. "Is that all you think about?" She nodded and we both laughed. My birthday is starting to rock.  
  
*  
  
There are a million people packed in to Angel's house. People I don't even know. But, I look pretty popular! Which is a plus, I guess. I still haven't seen Angel. He must be caught in the huge mob. And I am still wondering why Cordelia is here.   
  
"Buffy! Happy birthday!" I turn around and find Scott, smiling at me with a present in hand. "Oooh, present. What is it?"   
  
He hands it to me. "Open it."   
  
I take off the wrapping and open the box carefully. I can't believe what I found. It was a box of chocolates, a picture of Collin Farrell and bronzer. "Remember that talk we had at the coffee shop? Well, I do, and I thought it'd be a good idea." He pauses. "But, don't worry, that's not all of the present! The rest is at home, it's a present of privacy.... Not that's it like...weird or anything. I just thought--"   
  
"I know what you mean, Scott." I smile at him. I don't think I've found him any more adorable than at this very moment. He actually *remembered* our conversation the other day. How cute!   
  
"Do you like it?" He asks, meekly.   
  
"Yes, I do." I reassure him. He nods and says, "I have to go, I have work in ten minutes." Scott works? Hmm...   
  
"Okay, well, we'll talk Monday?"  
  
"Sure, Monday. Bye! And again, happy birthday." I smile back at him. "Thanks."   
  
As soon as Scott leaves, Willow hurries up to me. "What'd he say? What'd he give you? Why'd he leave?" She says in a hurry.   
  
"Breath, Will. Scott gave me this." I show her the present. "It's an inside joke kind of thing," I say before she questions the present. "He's leaving because he has work and he said 'Happy birthday'."  
  
Willow sighed, happily. "Aw. That is so sweet. I wish I had a boyfriend."   
  
"I saw that Oz guy checking you out the other day at the Bronze. Maybe you should talk to him." Willow really does need a guy.   
  
She shakes her head franticly. "No. No. No talking. None at all. I'll get nervous. Sweaty palms are *never* attractive and you *cannot* make me!!"   
  
I check out the living room and see that the subject of our discussion is coming toward us. I smirk knowingly and begin to back away. "Okay, Will. Whatever you say."   
  
I walk away but not before I catch Willow turn hastily and run smack in to Oz. Now she *has* to talk to him.   
  
I walked away, although I do want to hear what they are going to talk about, I decided it would be best if I found someone else to talk to. Or something to eat. Food is of the good, and I'm really hungry.   
  
So, I walked on over to the kitchen and pushed the swinging door open to find the most horrifying thing ever. EVER.   
  
Cordelia making out........   
  
With Doyle. DOYLE.   
  
And suddenly, everything came together. No wonder Cordelia came to my party with her cronies. She wanted to see Doyle! And that's why she was staring at him and oh, this is so weird!!!   
  
I hurry out of the kitchen before I collapse from the grossness of the matter. Thinking about Cordelia making out with *anyone* gives me the creeps.   
  
I think I lost my appetite. *   
  
The party was going great. I was mingling and being charismatic (which is almost definitely out of character) and then suddenly, it was like one of those teen movies where there's a party at someone's house and the whole *grade* is invited and they all go crazy.   
  
Okay, you may think this is a typical high school party with beer and all that other stuff. But, Sunnydale is squeaky CLEAN. Like... I have not been to a party with alcohol yet (except that New Years Ever party where we all had *one* glass of champagne). But, tonight it's different. It's like my birthday somehow brought the wildness out in them. Maybe it's just because I am so cool....Okay, maybe not. But, it's still weird. Imagine a bunch of people making out all over. Yeah, that's what it's like. And the others that aren't, are grinding to music or eating tons of food. Scary.   
  
I *still* haven't seen Angel yet. All night. It's almost twelve, and I still have not seen him. I bet he's probably in his room being a loner.   
  
With that thought in mind, I went up the stairs and somehow made it through all the people hanging out up there and snuck in to Angel's room. And there he was. Sitting there, listening to his head phones.   
  
I sat on his bed, making arm movements to see if he noticed I was there. He eventually looked up and ripped off his head phones. "Buffy. Happy Birthday." He smiled. But, this wasn't an Angel smile...this was a huge grin, that made me really happy just looking at it. He never smiled like that ever to me in his whole entire life.   
  
"Thanks." I laid down next to him in his bed, which is something we've always done on our birthdays. We would lay and talk.   
  
"So, what's it like to be eighteen?" He asked. I shrugged. "Not really different. Just...the same. Although, this morning I thought it would suck."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because of the whole elaborate plan to make me *think* everyone forgot my birthday, but really you were fooling me." I answered. I knew Angel was smirking without even looking at him. "Your idea?"   
  
"My idea." He confirmed it. I sat up. "Ya know, it's not always great to do that to people!" He sat up too. As I was ranting, I look at him, but it looked like he could care less about what I was saying...he was just staring at me strangely. So I ranted some more. "I'm seriously emotional, and you know how I always think everybody's going to forget my birthday and you still--"   
  
I was cut off from yelling because Angel kissed me.   
  
ANGEL KISSED ME!!!!!!!   
  
Angel, my long time crush who I thought would never ever love me the way I love him, kissed *me*. I was not the one who kissed him, he kissed *me*. Not that I'm complaining.   
  
Oh wow. So this is what it feels like to be kissing Angel... I knew he'd be a great kisser!   
  
At first, I was completely surprised at his action, that I had not responded...but, now......   
  
He started out softly kissing me, but because we are both teenagers and I am in *love* with him it starts to become more passionate and then, I wrap my arms around his neck and he pulls me closer and then it hits me--- *Why* is Angel kissing me?  
  
I (sadly) pull away and stare at him. "Angel...why--"   
  
"Okay," Angel began, and got up from the bed. He started to pace. "You're probably wondering why I kissed you. Well, lately I've been having thoughts. Not bad thoughts. Good thoughts. At least that's what I think now. Before I thought I was going insane."   
  
"What?? Angel what are you talking--" Cut off again...   
  
"I think I'm in love with you. This feeling didn't *just* happen, I just... I don't know when it happened. It was like...all of a sudden I could see you. I've known you my entire life and it's like I've never seen you before. Your beautiful, funny, nice and perfect for me and I'm *just realizing this. I *can't* believe it." He stops pacing and stops in front of my, comes to my eye level and grabs my hands. "I love you."   
  
I'm completely in awe. How did this happen? When did this happen? I am totally speachless. What am I going to do next? What about Scott? He's been so cute and I'm starting to like him more and now....this.   
  
I don't know what's going to happen.   
  
TBC *  
  
I'm so sorry for the delay! Things have been incredibly hectic lately. School is starting which means field hockey is as well so I had field hockey for the past two weeks and haven't gotten much of a chance to write. Here's a huge thank you to: short one, Kendra3, Rbritsmom73, Tariq, random toe, GoodCharlottesGurl, chris, shahid and static-disturbed. If I missed anyone, I'm sorry!! Okay, now go review!! I really hoped you liked this chapter. I know it's sort of a cliff hanger, but I'm still not sure what I'm going to do next so, I'll take any suggestions you have in to consideration! PLEASE REVIEW!! I'll update as soon as possible. Sorry if this chapter is way too spaced out or not spaced out enough. My computer is messed up. 


	9. The Downside

Author: Emba  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, never was, probably won't be unless Joss decides to be generous to us B/A hungry fans.  
  
Authors Note: Sorry for the delay! I was drawing a HUGE blank. This chapter might be a little lacking and kind of short, but I really did try. And I promise the next one will be much better. Really, better.  
  
Authors Note#2: Any suggestions for the story? E-mail me at: EmAngel10@aol.com. And don't make fun of me because of the e-mail address..I hate it since I was ten and I really don't feel like changing it.  
  
*  
  
There is silence. Complete silence. Angel is staring at me, breathless from his huge declaration of love for me.   
  
I want to pinch myself but I can't move. I'm so happy that I can't move.   
  
Slowly, I smile. A big one. The biggest smile I think I have ever smiled.   
  
"Angel... I've loved you ever since we were kids. I've always been in love with you! And not the sisterly type of love like you had for me all these years. Member when you were that Angel in our school play and those kids were making fun of you and I defended you and you told me I was your best friend?" He nodded in response. "I think that's when I fell in love with you. You thought I was this tom boy...but I never really was, I just wanted to impress you." Angel smiled softly, and kissed me again. Everything was perfect. I was in love with someone who loved me back. It was my birthday. And then, suddenly...   
  
I pulled away. "Scott!"   
  
"Buffy, my name is *Angel*."   
  
I shook my head. And got up from the bed and now it was my turn to pace. "No, I mean, Scott is my...boyfriend, Angel. I can't just break up with him."   
  
Angel looked at me incredulously. "Why not?"   
  
"Because, Scott has been sweet and perfect and... he's nice. He's a nice guy. And I know it would crush him if I just suddenly broke up with him." I can't believe I'm saying this.   
  
"Why does he matter? Shouldn't this be about *us*...not that little bug eyed kid?" Angel said a little louder, standing up, his eyes flashing.   
  
I paused, and stared at him. "Angel, how can you say that? Scott is a human being. He has feelings and he's just as involved in this as you and me."   
  
Angel shrugged. "Well, if you were so in love with me, why did you go out with him in the first place?" He asked, shouting this time.   
  
Damn him! Who the hell does he think he is? Some sort of god? Yes, let's all bow down to the almighty, Angel, who controls all women. Puh-leese. "I'm sorry for *trying* to move on, when you obviously did not have the same feelings for me that I did about you. Ya know, I really should've just pined for you my whole life. I should've only talked to *you*, no one else, and hid myself in my room, doodling your name on a piece of paper my entire life." I say sarcastically, yelling as loud as him.   
  
He laughed harshly. "You are so unbelievable. I tell you I love you, and you say the same, but then you say, 'Oh no, what about Scott, the other guy I like'. Sorry, Buffy, maybe I don't want to wait around for you to finish it off with Scott. Maybe I'll just '"move on" like you did."   
  
So, this is my birthday gift from him? Complete crap?   
  
I turned abruptly and stormed out of the room in to the loud music and demanding voices. The party's is still going on. Funny, I didn't even notice.   
  
I know Angel is coming after me, but I can't do this now. There is so much between us, so much stuff that I can't even think about now. This is just too much for one night.   
  
My throat is burning from trying to hold back my tears. I can feel them swell in my eyes as I slink through the crowd toward the door. I hear my name being shouted through the fast music but I don't stop. Angel can wait for me. I've waited my entire life for him.   
  
I pull the door open and step out in to the pouring rain. Now, my tears are spilling freely from my face. The pain is stinging me so heavily that I can only look forward to is the numbness.   
  
*   
  
The rest of the night I drowned out the sounds of the party with my loud Nirvana and Pink Floyd cd's. It fit right to my mood and also made me feel a lot better. Well...actually scratch that: it made me sadder. If that was possible. It feels like I'm trapped in this box. And it keeps getting smaller, and smaller and sooner or later I won't have any room or space for air.   
  
Deep thoughts? Yes, that is definitely what Nirvana and Pink Floyd will do to you.   
  
When I got home I found balloons everywhere and my mother baking a cake in the kitchen. She rambled about how she didn't think I'd be back this early and how she thought the cake would be done by the time she got home and she kept talking until she noticed the running mascara and my red face. She didn't ask what was wrong, she just held me. That was all I needed.   
  
I went to bed, listened to music in the dark and cried. I cry too much. I used to cry myself to sleep whenever Angel used to talk to me about his new girlfriends, or who he wanted to date, or told me how hot a girl was and why. Those were *great* times. Just great. I am *definetly* not bitter about those times. Nope. Not bitter at all.   
  
Hopefully, you noticed my sarcasm.   
  
*   
  
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing loudly in my ear. Who the hell is calling at...9:30 in the morning? It's a *Sunday*! It's not called a day of rest for nothing. Groaning, I turn over and answered it.   
  
"Hello?" I said roughly.   
  
"Buffy! Oh my God, Buffy! Are you alright? What happened last night? You stormed out and Angel then locked himself in his room and I couldn't do anything! I was so worried! Tell me everything. Wh-"   
  
"Willow, " I cut off her fast ramble before she lost her breath. "Calm down. I'm..." I paused. How was I feeling? Crappy. And depressed. And sad. But, Willow didn't have to know that. "Fine. I'm fine."   
  
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "No, you're not. You're sad and depressed. *Why* are you sad and depressed? What happened with Angel?! Did you tell him?"   
  
But before I could even say a thing she blurts out on the phone, "Okay, I'm coming over. Right now. We're going to have a day full of moping and ice cream and sad movies. I'm bringing 'My Girl', 'Titanic' and anything else I can find. You get the ice cream ready." She hung up, leaving me totally shocked at it all.   
  
Willow and I have had mope-fests before. But, it was usually me throwing one for Willow when she was sad over her Xander crush. Now, she no longer has that crush and Willow had always said that it was because of those mope parties that she does not feel the same way for Xander. This made me feel special for helping her get over him. But, with all the watching sad-girly movies and eating ice cream never really got me to get over Angel. I can't. I *wish* I could sometimes. But, I won't be able to. It's just not possible.   
  
I guess I'll go downstairs and await Willow's arrival.   
  
*   
  
"He said he loved you?" Willow asked, smiling. "Yes." I replied simply.   
  
Willow look at me seriously. "Then what's the matter?! He said he loved you and you stormed out?"   
  
I shook my head. "No. I told him I couldn't just break up with Scott so quick. He's a really nice guy. I don't want to break his heart just this second. I want some time... a week, two maybe. A slow break up. So it's less painful for him."   
  
Willow has a soft spot for Scott so I knew instantly she would agree. "I agree, Buffy. I mean, I like Scott. He was always nice to me." She smiles happily. "I remember in seventh grade he lent me a pencil. And when I went to return it to him he told me to keep it." She giggled.   
  
I smiled weakly. Nothing was going to get my happy today. I leaned back in to my comfy couch and took a spoonful of ice cream. Maybe I should just break up with Scott. Quick and easy. Painful, but not as painful as a long week of knowing I'll break his heart is. Sometimes I wish I didn't care about other people and wasn't so nice. Then breaking up with Scott would less weight on my shoulders instead of more.   
  
"What did Angel say? To your Scott idea?" Willow asked fearfully.   
  
I frowned deeply. "What do you think he said? He went on with his, 'Well, if you loved me so much, why did you go out with Scott?' and 'Maybe I'll "move on" too'. It was just too much in one night. First he's all, 'I love you!' then he just starts talking crap to me."   
  
Willow looked at my sympathetically. "I'm sorry. It'll work out, though. Angel tends to get jealous. Member Jessica Smith in 8th--"   
  
"Yes. I do. Very well. I mostly remember wanting to kill her with a passion." I said, bluntly.   
  
Willow's eyes widened. "Oh," She shook her head nervously. "Well that explains you remembering it and all." She laughed shakily.   
  
"I'm sorry if I'm freaking you out with without my 'usual Buffy charm' but," I sighed and pushed the tears away. I can't cry again. My eyes are still red from last night. I swallowed audibly and looked right at Willow's pained face.   
  
That's when I knew I couldn't hold back the tears. And I knew Willow would comfort me.   
  
*   
  
School is today. Meaing, I must either be confronted by Angel or run in to him accidentally seeing as we have almost every class together. Life hasn't sucked this much ever. You'd think I'd be happy. Angel tells me he loves me and of course, I can't be happy because something's always in the way. This time it's Scott. In some ways Scott is only making my life harder...but in others, he made me more confident in myself. More confident to date someone else, to be bolder, to be more out going. I don't know what to do now. If I see Angel, I know he'll want to talk to me. I want to talk to him too...sort of. I want Angel more than I want Scott. I know I want Angel. I know I love Angel. I do *like* Scott, but I don't love him. Maybe I should tell him that. Maybe I should break it off quick so it's less painful.   
  
Well, we'll see. School starts in 20 minutes. My digressing really sucks today.   
  
TBC   
  
Oooh, I know: angst. You people are probably upset and mad with all the problems in this chapter. But, don't worry...as long as I get a lot of reviews I will make things better quicker. I'd like to say thanks to Tutu, Lindsay, Shahid, sandy-eco, Jacey (thanks for offering some idea, I will e- mail you probably for the next chapter...since I'm still drawing a blank), Rbritsmom73, Lex, Tariq, rasberry coral, chris, and finally a special thanks to short one(thank you for your multiple reviews, I'm glad you really liked the 8th chapter!!). Alright, now review. And if you have ideas for the story, please, *please* include them. Thanks! I'll try an update soon! 


	10. The Clearing of the Storm

Author: Emba  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Basically...I own nothing at all.   
  
Authors Note: Sorry this took soooooo long, I've been extremely busy what with sports and stupid homework. I haven't felt like writing lately and ideas were missing in my head so I'm pretty much winging this chapter. Hopefully you like the way I uh....wing. Anyway, enjoy.   
  
Authors Note#2: Doyle says something in Gaelic and here's the translation, "Kiss my ass."   
  
*  
  
In our first few classes Angel and I hadn't run in to each other. I saw him look my way a few times. I quickly turned away whenever I saw that. Although I miss him I'm still angry and sad. I saw Scott at lunch and he talked to me in his nice, shy way and told some jokes and I wanted to cry. I don't want to hurt Scott, but I definitely don't want to hurt Angel either. I love Angel, truly, but still I don't want Scott to be broken in two. Ugh, I wish I was snotty, or off-putting...like Cordelia...Oh my God, did I really just say that?   
  
My mom is going out of town tomorrow on some Art-gallery thing that she tried to explain to me and I *tried* to listen to but ... I really couldn't care less so I just stared at her...really hard. She *thought* I listened so, my plan worked like a charm. I'm almost glad to get the house to myself, so I can...well, I would say 'throw a party' if I was in a cheery and bubbly mood but now I'm in a self-loathing and all together sad mood. My life is crap and I am so stupid for being in this big mess. See? This is self-loathing and sadness.   
  
After lunch I skulked to the Chem. Lab, Doyle pulled my aside, his voice low and secretive. I thought he was going to say something like, 'Angel said to me...he really feels horrible and sorry for what happened, he just doesn't know how to say it, go talk to him...' or something similiar. But really, all he said was, "Buffy...I know you saw princess and I the other night."   
  
I stared at him blankly, almost not remembering the makeout session I barged in on. After that gross thought and shudder of the remembrance I immediately thought, "Princess?"   
  
"Oh, yah, just a nickname for Cordelia. After all she is like a princess. Spoiled, rich and beautiful." He said lightly, admiration in his eyes.   
  
I got the chills just thinking about Doyle being in love with Cordy. It was sad, but wasn't me being in love with Angel sad too? Especially when he felt nothing like that toward me?   
  
I got lost in thought, digressing again (really, it's becoming disease like), and Doyle pulled me out of it saying, "Princess doesn't want anybody to know yet. She's still..." He paused. "I'm trying to change her. You know, get her away from that group of drones she calls friends but...ah, that lass sure doesn't give up easy." His voice became stronger and angrier. "She actually said, 'I won't give up my popularity for you, you crazy little irish man!' and I said, 'Póg mo thoin!' and instantly after that she gave me a strange look and called me a loser. How dare she do that to me? I --" His voice was almost shouting at this point.   
  
"Doyle, calm down." I said softly.   
  
He sighed, shrugging, his irritation lowering noticably. "You want some advice?" I asked carefully, looking at his face to see if he truly did.  
  
He nodded. "Well, I don't think Cordelia can really be *changed*. Sure she can be taken away from her friends, but that won't change who she is inside. She'll still be the same old Cordelia, tactless and always there so she can make fun of your outfit." I paused and took a breath, hoping I wasn't crushing him. "You can try to...change her. But, I hope she doesn't break your heart."   
  
Doyle smiled gently at my sympathy. "Ah, don't worry 'bout it, Buff. I'll try my best with Cordy and if it doesn't work out... I will...move on." The bell rings as the words left his lips. I smiled briefly and watched him move on to his next class.   
  
I walked in to my class and sat in my desk and pretended to pay attention and when the teacher called on me I answered with finesse and charm... Actually, it was more along the lines of "I didn't answer at all, I stuttered like an idiot". Yeah, that sounds a lot more true.   
  
*   
  
After my last period, I could feel the weight of the day dragging me down. I have six classes with Angel and I managed to dodge him each time. You'd think I'd be all, "Go me!" except I'm not. I'm still all depressed. Teen angst sucks.   
  
"Buffy!" I hear from behind me. I hurry and gather my things out of locker and look back quickly. Just my luck... The voice is coming from Angel who is working his way through the crowds. I sling my bag over my shoulder and walked as fast as I possibly can through the crowd. I'm not ready for a confrontation...I'm not good at confrontations. Actually the correct term would be suck. I *suck* at confrontations. I get sweaty palms and all nervous. Whenever this stuff happens I feel like Willow.   
  
"Buffy!" Crap. He's catching up. I wish Angel's legs weren't so long...actually I like 'em long and strong and -- God, why don't I shut UP?!   
  
"Buffy, please, wait!"   
  
I manage to escape school without him behind me. I get out my keys and fumble stupidly with them, trying to find the car key. I borrowed my mother's car today because I did not want to drive with Angel, obviously. I shove the key in to the car and dive in, looking around for Angel. Nope. No Angel. Phew...   
  
"Buffy!" AHH!!! I looked next to me and see Angel banging on the door. Oh holy crap. My heart is beating 5000000 times a minute!! I had no idea he was *right* there. "Buffy, please open the door, we have to talk sometime."  
  
  
  
I give myself a minute to think...   
  
I sigh, and open the door for him. He jumps in and trys to catch his breath. "You give a good chase, I'll give you that." He jokes. I look straight ahead, trying not to look at him.   
  
"Buffy, let me say something." I nod. But still keep my eyes away. He tugs my arm gently, "Look at me." I turn to him slowly and focus my eyes on him. And then I wanted to gasp at my revelation. Through all my anger, and sadness and all around crappy-feelings... all I have to do is look at him, and it doesn't matter. Just one look.   
  
"Buffy, I wanted to apologize for last night... I was just irrational and I know you just don't want to hurt Josh--"   
  
"Scott." I correct him. He waves the mistake off and smiles sheepishly. "Right, Scott, Josh whatever. I just... I want you to do whatever you have to. I'll wait forever for you." He looks at me hopefully.   
  
I smile contently and hug him, kiss him on the cheek and then say plainly, "Get out of the car."   
  
"But--" He protests, but he's got to go because I have a mission to fulfill.   
  
"Go. I have something to do." I say cryptically. He narrows his eyes at me, but opens the door and begins to get out. "Remember," he says before he leaves, "I'm always right next door."  
  
I grin when the door shuts and the plans are already forming in my head. I know what I have to do. And I'll do it.   
  
TBC   
  
I'm SOOO sorry that took forever but I've been incredibly busy. Thanks to all those that nagged me out of my non-updating state. Hopefully this has satisfied you. even though it was extremely short, which I am also sorry for. My next chapter will, hopefully, be soon. If not, I am REALLY sorry. Thanks again to those who reviewed I'm glad you like the fic so much! Review again and give me a happy! 


	11. The Plan Has Backfired

Author: Emba   
  
Disclaimer: almost everything is mine..except..everything. Does that make sense? oh, the plots mine. that's about it.   
  
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to short one, whose reviews keep me updating! Thanks so much!   
  
*  
  
"May I help you?"   
  
I smile sheepishly, "Uh, yeah, is Scott home?"   
  
His mother nods and opens the door for me. "Sure, he's right upstairs." She points in the general direction of his room and gets back to the kitchen. I look around a minute and stare at Scott's house. My *God*. I've never seen a house this perfect. It's like I stepped in to the set of The Brady Bunch. I always imagined Scott would have this amazing family, with one brother and one sister and in the mornings at breakfast his dad would read the paper and his mom would cook them eggs and pancakes and whenever it was time for them to go to school she'd yell, "Have a wonderful day at school, kids!" and his father would mumble a goodbye...and *wow*, I just realized I think about Scott's family wayyyy too much.   
  
Maybe I always thought about them because he'd never shared any information on them... not that I expected him to it's just, he never mentioned any of his siblings..ever. Or maybe I just never asked.  
  
I travel up the stairs and turn left to find a closed door with the word 'Scott' on the front. I sigh and gather up strength. This wasn't the easiest way to break up with someone and that is exactly what I am doing. Maybe I should've just called? Or maybe I should've just...ignored him, maybe he would've gotten the message... Or maybe--  
  
The door suddenly swings open and Scott looks at me strangly. "Buffy?" His confused face slowly changes in to a smile. "What're you doing here?"   
  
"Uhhh..."   
  
"Are you going to the Bronze tonight?" Scott asked.   
  
"Uhh..."   
  
"Because I thought maybe we could meet there around 8?"   
  
"Uhh..."   
  
Scott smirks and shakes his head, like he thinks my stuttering and lack of words is a joke. "I'll take that as a yes, so I'll see you there? I gotta go to work." He brushes past me and I have nothing else to do but stare at the space he was once occupying. What just happened? Anyone know? *Anyone*? ...Bueller?   
  
I snap out of my daze and chase after him, just as he's jogging out the door. "Wait, Scott!" I blurt, running out of his house.   
  
He pauses and turns to me. "Yeah?" Scott smiles slightly at me, and I feel terrible... how can I break up with him NOW? *Right* in front of his house? On his way to work?   
  
"Nevermind. I'll ... see you tonight." I manage to say, as I force a weak smile. He nods and hops in to his car. Holy crap. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.   
  
I sigh in exasperation as he drives away, waving slightly at me. How did I actually think I would be able to break up with Scott *in his HOUSE*? I'm such a dumbass when it comes to this crap. Oh, God, now I guess I'll have to break up with him at the Bronze. This is not my day...   
  
*   
  
I called Willow after my disastrous time at Scott's house. She yelled at me, basically...until I told her Angel wanted to get together. Then she went silent... for, what seemed like, forever. Then she screamed, "CONGRATULATIONS!" right in my ear. I couldn't help but smile.   
  
Now with Willow on board for the Scott break-up I feel a little better. Who knows why. I guess, just knowing my best friend is on my side makes it that much better. I haven't heard from Xander in a few days, it seems that he and his new "friend", Anya have been "getting to know one another" and by that I mean spending their time making out at the Bronze, from what I hear. Well, it's good to know *someones* getting smoochies around here. All I get to do is break up with people... maybe that's not *all* I get to do but, it seems like it lately!   
  
It's not that I've never broken up with anyone before it's that I've never been emotionally attached with the other person. I've dated, yes, but mostly flings that last two weeks and eventually both of us agreed that it's over. I genuinely like Scott and hope the best for him. But, I can't just leave Angel behind. I've loved him my whole life. And now, I can have him, finally. Although it will maybe hurt Scott, in the long run, I'd be lying to myself if I continued dating him... letting him think my heart was his. Good thing we're not too far in our relationship that our breakup wont leave emotional scars.   
  
Alright, I better go practice my dumping speech before I head over to the Bronze... and I'll listen to sad music to get me in the mood.   
  
Oh God... I hope I can do this.   
  
TBC..   
  
  
  
Okay, I've *finally* updated. Sorry it's kind of short chapter but I've been so busy lately, it's crazy. I will get the next chapter as soon as I can! And a thanks to everyone who reviewed and keep on reviewing!! Also, another thanks to short one who nags me like a pro! Thanks ;) 


	12. The Breakup

Author: Emba   
  
Disclaimer: I have no witty comments, so I'll just say this: they are not mine.  
  
Authors Note: I'm extremely sorry for not updating sooner. I have just had almost no motivation to do this next chapter because of my blank brain when it comes to how and if Buffy's gonna break up with Scott. But, I'd like to thank short one who is my motivation and the other reviewers, you guy's rock. Oh yeah, and sorry if this chapter isn't very witty, I had finals last week and my brains still dead from them.   
  
I pop a CD in to my CD player in my room and slide back under the covers of my bed. Ya know that feeling when you just look at your bed and it looks so comfy and warm and nice and peaceful and safe and--- okay, getting back to the point... You just see your bed and it makes you want to sleep in it forever. Well, that's the way I feel except it's 10,000,000 times stronger. I didn't realize how much stress this Scott situation has put on me. And now, the stress is starting to pull me down.   
  
Sleep is nice. Very, very, nice. I think I could sleep for 10 years if my mother would let me. But, every time I sleep past 11:00 she barges in my room yelling in a singsong voice, "Good morning, good morning!" Usually, I growl and hiss at her until she retreats, but after that I can never get back to sleep for some reason. Aren't teenagers supposed to be pros at sleeping? Like, can't we just fall asleep in under 3 seconds at any time, place, or in any condition? Well, I guess the same rules don't apply to me...damn it.   
  
As I was saying sleep is great... it's really very amazing... it's just...great...   
  
OH CRAP!! It's 8:15!! I just randomly fell asleep in the middle of my thoughts and now here I am, late for my date -- break up date with Scott! Not that I'm itching to go, I just NEED to get this over with.   
  
I race out of bed and look in the mirror. I look like I just fell asleep for hours, which I did do. but, still... I look like it. My hair looks like a cat draped across my head. This is complete crap. Running in to my closet, I throw out a pair of tight jeans, a halter, and a thin zip up sweater to go over it. I practically jump in to the clothes and then I work hard on my hair. Finally, I get it to stop sticking up and put it in to a tiny ponytail.   
  
I run down the stairs quickly and reach for my keys as I open the door -- CRAP. Where the hell are my keys?! I know I left them here. I don't have a car, but I do have keys to my mothers car and I'm pretty sure that I -- Wait...Where's my mother?!   
  
"Mom!!" I scream, running through the kitchen and throughout the house, chanting her name. I run past the refrigerator and catch a glimpse of something, checking to see what it was I see it's a post it attached to the refrigerator door. "What the hell?"   
  
It says the following:   
  
Buffy,  
  
I'm out to dinner with a client who is looking to buy something in the gallery. I saw you were asleep upstairs and I didn't want to wake you up, so I took the car and left. Oh yes, and I left my car keys at Judy's house last night, so I had to use yours. Sorry, dear. Be back later tonight.  
  
- Mom   
  
I groan loudly. How the hell did she FORGET her keys at someone's house? Didn't she have to DRIVE home? This is insane. Now, I have no car. And it's 8:30. I'm a half an hour late and I have to break up with Scott. My life is so much like a teen drama on the WB that it scares me. I guess I'll have to run to the Bronze. Sighing, I jog out of the house and sprint up the street, on my way to break up with poor Scott Hope.   
  
Running through the doors of the Bronze, I take a breath and place my hands on my bent knees and relax for a minute. Good thing it's a cool night out or I'd look like a sweaty slob...right now I just look like a regular slob.  
  
I take a deep breath and venture in to the hoard of dancing teenagers, trying to find Scott. I spot him at the bar, sipping on what looks like a coke. I slip through the crowd and greet him somewhat somberly, "Scott."   
  
He turns, looking surprised. "Buffy, I didn't think you were gonna show." My brow furrows and I glance at my watch, 9:00. "What took you so long?" His voice is a little irritated.   
  
I smile nervously, "I was just trying to be fashionably late." I suck at lying. He stares at me and arcs his eyebrows, giving me the look of 'I know you're lying'.   
  
I exhale, "I fell asleep and then I had no car, so I had to run here." I state clearly, taking the empty seat next to him. He nodded, his eyes still showing signs of disappointment. I sigh, and decide I should probably take the plunge in to break-up conversation.   
  
"I think we need to talk." Scott nods, almost knowingly. "I know."   
  
"What do you mean you know?"   
  
He looks at me, his eyes sad. "You want to break up with me."   
  
My eyes widen and then return to their normal size. I think about denying it...   
  
I sigh, "How did you know?"   
  
Scott shrugs and takes a swig of his coke. "The vibes you were giving off. You came to my house today, looking nervous. I put two and two together and this is what it equaled."   
  
"I'm sorry." I'm so lame. All I can think of it: I'm sorry? Why am I such a freak? I can't even think of anything comforting to say to him.   
  
He smiles sadly, taking my hand in his. "You know Buffy, it was really great dating you. At the beginning of our relationship I thought that you were amazing and this is all you had to give... but when I see you around that Angel guy, I see you're one hundred times better and that you have so much more to give to someone. You like him. I can see it."   
  
I bite my lip from crying. He's so sweet. My eyes water up and with my free hand I wipe the edges of my eyes. "I'm sorry." I repeat. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!? Why can't I give him some comfort?!   
  
"It's okay." He replies, almost smiling at my lack of words. I struggle for more to say, "I hope we can still be friends." I croak out, looking at him seriously. He nods, "Of course."   
  
After small moment of silence, he lets go of my hand and stands up. "You're a great person, Buffy. But, I gotta go now, so I'll see you around."  
  
I give him a small smile and nod, "See ya." He smiles back, and slowly walks away.   
  
I sit there for a minute, then I look at the bartender and he's giving me a weird look, so I get up a jet outta there. I've had enough drama for one night.   
  
TBC Again, sorry for the long wait. And if this chapter is crap, please tell me.   
Next chapter: B/A goodness!   
Please review! 


	13. Never Letting Go

Author: Emba   
  
Disclaimer: eh, it's not mine.   
  
Authors Note: Thanks to my reviewers! You guys rock harder than...a really big rock? Sorry if the last chapter was sort of out of character for Buffy, but it was such a long time since I had written this story and I sort of lost my fic's Buffy essence a little bit. I'm gonna work on that this chapter.   
  
Authors Note #2: If I never mentioned Angel had a car before this chapter, I'm sorry...but now, he has a car.

* * *

I walk quickly out of the Bronze, feeling miserable. Poor Scott. I wish I could make things better for him, but this is the way things have to be if I want to be with Angel.  
  
I continue walking until I hear someone shouting my name.  
  
"Buffy! Buffy, wait up!" I glance behind me to find none other than Angel. "Speak of the devil," I mumble to myself. Angel always finds me when I'm feeling crappy. Which is...almost all the time. So, he's always around to cheer me up...like a little puppy who follows you around and then licks your face when you're sad... Hmm...I just imagined Angel licking my face like a dog... weird. DIGRESSION! I should change my name to Digresser, and my nickname would be Diggy and people would just talk to me just to hear me ramble about random crap that no one cares about. Seriously. And I think I digressed again. What was I talking about in the first place? Oh well, Angel's coming, I better step out of my little world and get ready to talk.  
  
I wait and look at him with raised eyebrows. "What?" He asks, perturbed by my stare.  
  
"When I feel sad, do I send some sort of signal? Like, ya know Batman's bat signal in the sky? Do I have one of those? But, instead of a bat it's like...a huge sad face?" I say, feeling a bit edgy because of my break up with Scott moments ago.  
  
Angel shrugs and shoves his hands in to his coat pockets. "I can just tell when you're upset."  
  
"How?" I ask curiously.  
  
"You always bite your lip, and your eyes are glazed from unshed tears. Also, you're hands are always in little fists." He nods to my hands.  
  
Confused, I look down and see that my hands are indeed clenched. Weird, how I never noticed it before. That's just like Angel, to know things about me that I don't even know.  
  
I release my hands and sigh. "I'm going to head home. We got school tomorrow and I'm in dire need of sleep." I begin to walk away when he catches my arm and pulls me toward him. And you know what he did next?  
  
He kissed me.  
  
Surprised?  
  
You weren't?! Why the hell not? I WAS!  
  
But still, a kiss is a kiss and it was a very, very nice kiss.  
  
We eventually separate, but only because the lack of breath.  
  
"Well..." I say, after we have caught our breath.  
  
"Well..." He says back, looking in to my eyes. "That was some kiss." He continues, and I chuckle.  
  
"Sure was," I answering, laughing. We then settle in to awkward silence.  
  
I break said silence, "Angel?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"This is going to be kind of weird at first, isn't it?" I said, referring to our silence and about our new relationship.  
  
Angel's eyes are full of feelings as I gaze in to them. He nods at me, "I think it probably will."  
  
Damn it. "It'll pass." He says, noticing my frustrated-ness... I wish frustrated-ness was a word.  
  
Angel hugs me, and not the brotherly type he always used to give me... the type of hug you give your girlfriend. I smile lazily at the thought, and hug him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his shoulder. "It'll pass," He says again.  
  
Silence again. But, this time it's the comfortable kind.  
  
"Angel?" I mumble in to his coat.  
  
"Hmm?" He answers.  
  
"You do realize we are in an alley way in front of the Bronze, hugging?" I feel him grin in response and he releases me.  
  
He offers me his hand, "Want a ride home?"  
  
I take it and grin as well, "I would like that." Angel squeezes my hand as we move along to his cheap car.

* * *

"So, how much did I miss?" Willow asks tentatively, as she sits next to me in our school lounge.  
  
"A lot." I reply, not looking up from my magazine.  
  
After a long silence, I look up to see her eyes boring in to mine. Her green eyes are slits as she looks at me menacingly. Sheesh, who knew Willow could come off looking threatening?  
  
"Spill." She says simply, causing me to let out a sigh of relief. I thought she was going to attack me or something...maybe she had coffee this morning... that would explain the wild woman look in her eyes. Or maybe she's just pissed since I didn't call her because everything was so—  
  
"Buffy? Come on, tell me what happened."  
  
I need a doctor to fix this digression problem. It is slowly taking over my mind. Eh, well...when it does, I'll just blame it on...wait, I have nothing to blame it on. Damn.  
  
"Angel and I made up, I broke up with Scott, and now Angel and I are officially together." I reply in one breath.  
  
Willow smiles a full blown-happy-go-lucky smile and hugs me tightly. "Really?! Buffy, that's fantastic! That's amazing! It's great, it's wonderful, it's so cute, it's just the best thing that ever hap—"  
  
I quickly stop her rant... I bet she did have coffee this morning. "Thanks, Will." I say, smirking with memories of kissing Angel in his car last night flashing in my mind.  
  
"I am glad Angel finally caught your hints." She remarks, snatching my magazine from my hands and flipping through it.  
  
"Yes, he finally noticed the anvils." I answered, remembering our conversation earlier in the year about this same subject.  
  
We share a giggly-girly-giddy laugh as Xander appears. He jumps in to the spot next to me on the couch, eating an apple. "What's up, girlies? Anything big happen lately?"  
  
Willow and I can't seem to hold in our laughter at all that Xander has missed. I guess we're just excited about Angel and me.  
  
Angel and me.  
  
Angel and ME.  
  
Wow. It just hit me.  
  
I've snagged Angel and I'm not letting go.  


  


THE END ... or is it?  
  
I'm currently writing a sequel to this story, which will be out verrryyyy soon, I'm actually almost done writing the first chapter. I'm not really sure what it's going to be called yet, just keep a look out for it. Thanks to all the reviewers and please review this chapter! Tell me if Buffy's POV was alright. Thanks :) I will be back with the new installment soon! 


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